elswinger's world

The Cause of Larry's Death

2009-04-19T13:06:00.000-07:00

The official cause of death is

Septic shock likely from pneumonia
Respiratory failure from 1
Cardiovascular collapse from 1
Immunosupression from renal transplant

The course of events as best I can tell, are as follows.

On Tuesday April, 7 at around 6AM he arrived at Virginia Mason complaining of chest pains. He must have called 911 because his wheel chair was still at his apartment and no one seems to have known he went to the hospital. After an hour or two in the ER he began to have problems breathing. He was put on a ventilator after some initial hesitation. He would have been sedated at that time.

At 6 PM they called me and said he had pneumonia, was sedated, and in the critical care unit. At 1:30 AM Wednesday morning they called and said he had been having a hard time breathing and expelling the c02 from his lungs. His heart had also stopped and because he was in a prone position to facilitate breathing, it took a minute to put the rotating bed in a position where they could apply CPR. After 4 or 5 minutes they were able to get his heart to work on its own. The doctor was doubtful that further interventions would help.

At 9:30 AM Wednesday, I arrived at the hospital and they told me he had passed away at 9 AM. His blood pressure over the evening had gotten lower and lower and even though they had put him on four different medications to stabilize the pressure, it continued to get worse. The doctor also noted that after they had revived him his eyes were not reactive. It is possible that after they restarted his heart he had suffered significant brain damage.

Paul

Thanks for the Interest - Memorial Plans

2009-04-12T11:37:00.000-07:00

I want to say thanks for the interest and nice comments on this blog and at the Stranger. I know he would have appreciated them all.

There were some questions, so I will answer them as best as I remember them.

First, though, the memorial is for Saturday April, 18 at the 6 Arms in Seattle. We will be holding it upstairs. Anyone from the blog community who wants to come is welcome. We will have an album of photos so you can see him in better times.

Other answers

I will give a full answer of what happened after the memorial. I think it best to wait until then. He was very open abouthis health, but it is best to wait a little longer.
Arrangements have been made for his body, but thanks for the offer to take up a collection.
Donations to the NW Kidney Centers is perfectly acceptable.
My last conversation with him was about going to the Slog happy hour, which he was looking forward to attending.

Jason Cheung, if you can't come by the memorial, I come see you when I can.

Paul

Rest In Peace Larry

2009-04-10T17:27:00.000-07:00

It is with deep regret that I have to notify you that Larry passed away on Wednesday, 4/8/2009.

He appreciated all who read his blog since it gave him a sense of purpose during some otherwise trying times.

Paul

My day so far

2009-04-06T13:43:00.000-07:00

It's been a rough day and as of this moment in writing it is only 1:30 p.m.

(WARNING: It gets graphic!)

I greeted the day at 8:30 a.m. with a case of explosive diarrhea after I got dressed. I cleaned up the mess as best I could, but it was humiliating. A few hours later it happened again, messing the clothes I had changed into. Now I have no towels, washcloths, sweatpants or sweatshirts and, though I can't smell it, I am sure the place smells like shit. I can only get one of my windows open. I am down to my last pair of pants (shorts actually) and a whole lot of laundry that needs to be done pronto! Theresa, a nurse from the home is going to come by tomorrow and do imy laundry. Both the nurse and an Occupational therapist are coming by around 2:00 pm., so hopefully we can address the fact that I need some FUCKING HELP!!!

This has been a hard weekend with just a few bright spots.

What is going wrong (so far):

Explosive diarrhea.
Not having a useable toilet or toilet-type device.
My bed being massively uncomfortable and hard to get in and out of without a transfer device.
All the chewed up doorways and scratched doors and walls from my wheelchair
My chair is semi-broken. The joystick fell off and is now being held on with a rubber band.
My inability to clean the apartment, including the kitchen and the floor.
My retirement check won't show up until the end of the week, at the earliest, and I am already broke.

Bright spots?

Running into my friend Marianne while going to the U-District Farmer's Market.
The Farmer's market itself (I want me some organic beef and pork, some salmon, and some shellfish).
The donut place on 45th & Roosevelt is pretty good and open 24 Hours (if I need them I know they are there).
The sun is out for a third (or fourth) consecutive day.
Tazo's Iced Black Tea bags at Starbucks are great. I have gone through a bag a day (each bag makes a half-gallon).
I was able to make all the phone calls I needed to make since getting out of the home, and I don't owe them anymore money (the check cleared).
I am getting eight hours sleep.
No screaming. The building is very quiet. My alarm clock in the living room has gone off twice at midnight and it will ring for an hour or until it gets shut off. I wasn't getting out of bed in the dark, so I let it ring. No one came to complain. (On the other hand, I think if I had to scream for help, no one would hear me).
The only bad smells are coming from me.

More after 2:00 p.m

So now it is almost 5:30 p.m. and both the nurse and occupational therapist have come and gone. They pretty much just told me what I already knew.

A) My nursing home, which I will now identify as Park Ridge, were fucked in the head for not preparing me better to leave, even on a week's notice. They sent me out with nothing. I should have had everything ordered by them and set up in my apartment before I left. Now, it's not their responsibility. So now I have to call DSHS tomorrow to find out if I have a case worker and how to start getting benefits (ie. help).

I have to order a sliding board. I can get a plain wood board for free, or get what I am used to, a "BZ Board" which is $300-500 dollars.

The bed I am using, that I got for free, would cost me $2,000 (and it is a piece of shit). All I can do is try adding padding to make it more comfortable.

The diarrhea is probably caused by my stopped taking Oxycondin and Dilaudid. Pot might kill pain, but it does not make for firm stools. I'll go back on the hard drugs and take some Imodium for the time being.

I wound up buying a flashlight and a new bed pan and grabber was just delivered (I owe my therapist $30).

The next Slog Happy, where readers of the Stranger's Blog meet at a different bar once a month, is being held at The Blue Moon Tavern, which is at the end of the alley behind my building. I am going to do my best to show up.

I got some food at Wingzone and since I am done with people for the day, I am going to just hang out and listen to tunes until I fall asleep. Laundry first thing in the morning!

A quick one

2009-04-05T19:45:00.000-07:00

I got to dash this off before the sun goes down. Until I get a lamp by my bed or a very long stick to flick off the wall switch, I have to get to bed while I can still see.

The day started off cool. I went to Wallingford and had a waffle at The Rusty Pelican. The place was packed. Since it's the only place for breakfast now in that area the place is jumping. (The waffle is always good and they use heavy cream with their coffee).

I got home around two and had to get into bed so I could B.M. (which was explosive, but I managed). However I then noticed I had inadvertently pulled out the plug to the bed, so I couldn't raise the bed again to get in my chair, which was about four inches higher than me when I am sitting on a sagging and very uncomfortable mattress. I lay there and pondered what to do for a couple hours. I was starting to regret leaving the home and now understand where all the money I was giving them was going. It was paying the salaries of the people who picked me up and cleaned the shit off me.

It took a couple hours of stacking blankets and clothes and rolling on top of them then it took all the strength to pull myself into the chair, so I could pack up my shit and then get something to eat and write this before turning in again. (I cranked the manual raiser with hopes eight cranks would raise the bed high enough...I wound up leaving my front door unlocked tonight in case I can't get out of bed to let the nurse in...hopefully, if necessary, she can talk her way into the building).

Things should improve this week. I should be seeing a nurse almost every day and I should be seeing a social worker, an occupational therapist and a physical therapist, and will probably have to pay someone to come check on me every day and do my laundry and clean and stuff. It's embarrassing what I can't do. I also hope to get a reacher (a stick with a claw on it), a commode chair (self explanatory) and a table I can use in bed and use the computer). Right now it is usually tethered to my hard drive, where all my music is. (Luckily the Mac Pro came with a remote control that can control iTunes and Front Row).

I hope I get my retirement soon (tomorrow please). Before I buy the TV and stereo and something for other people to sit on, I am buying a comfortable bed. I spend 50% of my day in it, I shouldn't be in pain.

It's almost too dark to see and I got to pee. Tomorrow.

Out and About

2009-04-04T19:40:00.000-07:00

Today was very sunny and mild. It was a nice change after a couple days of driving icy rain, and some snow. I spent a lot of time outside today. I wound up getting out of bed at 8:30 a.m. because I didn't know what time it was. The nurse was to come by at 11:00 and I need to be out of bed to let her in. So I wound up exploring the Ave. I checked out the Farmer's Market and ran into my friend, Marianne, who I worked with at the UW Chemistry Department. I don't know how much the people I worked with meant to me. They showed me great support and kindness when I got six. They donated almost six months worth of sick leave for me to keep me on insurance.

I took my camera with me because I wanted to take pictures of what the curbs and roads look like near my apartment building I took pictures of 20 different curbs, but the photos below are representative. If only the Mayor spent 10% on neighborhood road repaving as much as he spent on developing North Gate, my travels wouldn't be so difficult.

So I wind up driving in the street often:

And this is what it looks like on the sidewalk:

I didn't take pictures at the Farmer's Market or buy anything, but when I have my cooking stuff and the kitchen working I want to go back and get some steak and shrimp and clams and cheese (maybe some vegetables).

A Productive Day

2009-04-03T20:33:00.000-07:00

My View to the North

My View To The West

It's been a long but productive day. Most of my time was waiting for the cable company to install my internet and hdtv (I still don't have a set) and for someone, a nurse, from "Home Health Care" who came to assess me and change my dressing. I felt very comfortable with her and she will be buy every day to change my bandages. She was very encouraging about my benefits are, still with state cuts, I should be OK.

Up until today, to log on my options were to go to the library (and I got SOAKED on the way back) or somewhere on the Ave that has free wi-fi. Now it's not an issue since I am internet enabled.

I spent last night at the library downloading a lot of music off sites that were blocked by the nursing home's security (even with their security I downloaded about 200 albums, mostly concerts or b-sides of bands I like. So last night I used the mac as a jukebox (I could watch a DVD, but I am not interested in anything until Monday's episode of Heroes, which I will have to download from I-Tunes).

So last night I got nice and made myself a Fried Egg & Bacon Hoagie with Miracle Whip.

This is actually "Sandwich No. 2" since I ate No. 1 almost immediately after making it, forgetting to take a picture. Sandwich No.1 was better, the second try the egg was a little runny.

I stared out the window some while listening to The Pale Saints around 5, and now it is 9:p.m and my butt is bugging me.I decided to call it a day. Without a TV sitting in my chair all day is a pain in the ass. But until I get the sliding board I asked for it's always a little scary transferring from my bed to the chair. The bed I was given is crap compared to what I had at the nursing home, which was a better grade of crap. I think I already said the bed doesn't go up and down. At least I have sheets and blankets, but a second pillow is in order.

I will be glad when it gets warmer, but at least it didn't rain today and I managed to get out twice today, the second time I bought a Pesto Pasta Salad to go (Thanks Jason).

So I am going to call it an evening. I've scraped the doors enough. The nurse made my bed so now I have cool black sheets (they were out of purple). She'll be back in the a.m. and I have to be in my chair to let her in the building and unlock my door. Luckily I have some energy, not much, but when it gets warmer and sunny my mood and outlook get a lot better. I am giving the Mac the night off an i-podding it. Will listen to Paul F. Thompkins album, a couple Pale Saints live concerts I downloaded while maling with my own artwork:

I have debated about posting web addresses of the blogs I read where I download stuff (mostly concerts and out of print records), but I will post these album covers and you can usually find these by searchin in Google Blogs or Totally Fuzzy.

More soon.

Tomorrow I will have the internet

2009-04-02T16:19:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow I will have the internet and HDTV. Now I just need a TV.

The weather has been really crappy, cold rain and snow, so yesterday I didn't go out so ran a lot of errands today. I am at the Seattle Library in the U-District, which is two or three locks from my apartment right now.

The apartment is small and my chair has already scraped a lot of doors. It will be good to have everything put away. I still have all the stuff in storage and the way I bump into stuff I am afraid there won't be room to move. With some creativity I might manage.

I am going to have t have someone come in once a week to do stuff that I can't like laundry and changing the sheets. I bought sheets to day but can't get them on myself. Tomorrow a nirse will come by to change bandages and do some physical therapy. Maybe she'll do it.

Tomorrow I will post from home (with pictures).

Settling In

2009-03-31T15:00:00.000-07:00

The apartment is smaller than I thought and the kitchen is going to be difficult. The refrigerator opens into the kitchen and I can't open it when I am inside. Nor can I open any of the cupboards as long as I am wheelchair bound. I have to go back to the home tomorrow to pick up some mail and when I do I'll let the therapists and social worker about my concerns. I'll manage though. I'll buy appliances I can use on a table and I do have my old beer fridge. It won't be ideal, but I am out of the nursing home.

By the end of the night I will have had my cell phone turned back on, ordered cable online (I am doing this at the local library), will have my bed delivered, and pick up some immediate necessities at Walgreen's. Tomorrow it's off to the mall to get some bedding. I just have to wait for Home Health Care to show up. Hopefully it will be before noon. I have a lot to do.

Fear sets in

2009-03-30T17:17:00.000-07:00

One more night here in the home and some things are resolved. I will have a bed delivered tomorrow afternoon. Afterwards I'll go buy some bedding and get something to eat and spend my first quiet night alone in the apartment (I don't have a TV yet but I'll have my laptop and some DVDs). The library is just three blocks away so I'll go over some time during the day to check my email and post here.

Tomorrow, before I leave, they will give me a month's worth of medicine and information about nursing and social work and such.

What is scary is what is in today's news. The state of Washington is slashing money from the budget in low income housing, disability insurance, and home health care.

An now I think I have the flu and diarrhea. It's a scary time to go out on my own.

Two more nights

2009-03-29T18:46:00.000-07:00

I am starting to get a little scared of moving out. The nursing home still hasn't put me in touch with DSHS so I don't know if a helper is going to come by every day or every week and they haven't arranged for a nurse to come by every day to change my bandages. The nurse who changed my dressing this morning is concerned that the wound on my chest isn't healing quick enough. I also still don't know if I have a bed or when it will be delivered.

Assuming someone, a nurse or helper, comes by every day, I need to know when so I can be out of bed to let them in. More stuff to worry about.

My friends took what boxes I had here at the home to my apartment and Paul is concerned that the place is too small for all the stuff I have in storage. I'll have to make do or get rid of some of my stuff.

I am also worried that I am getting a bug because my stomach has been dicey, but it could just be stress.

Three more nights

2009-03-28T17:02:00.000-07:00

My friends came by and picked up my stuff a couple hours ago. As usual, they come through when I need them. The room seems pretty empty. All I have left here is my computer and the clothes I was wearing (I am regretting not keeping one change of clothes). By now, everyone here that matters knows I am leaving. I said my goodbyes to some of the people I expect tht I'll never see again. I was pleasantly surprised to see one of the old therapists, Joyce, who left last December come by to wish me well. That was great.

Keys in hand

2009-03-27T18:42:00.000-07:00

I picked up the keys to my new apartment today. It took an hour to sign all the paperwork. Low income housing is a lot more complicated than just signing a lease. My hand is still feeling cramped from all the signing.

I hope I can get some sleep tonight. I didn't get any last night.

This morning I had a scare. The phone rang and it is under my bed. I reached for it and almost fell out of bed onto the cold hard floor. My head would have hit the iron footrest on my wheelchair. Fortunately I had pressed the call light before the phone rang so I only hung precariously off the edge of the bed for a minute or so, but my wrist is still sore from trying to hold myself up. I need to be more careful.

Still no word on whether I will have a bed ready by Tuesday. There is no way I will be able to fall asleep in my chair. I envy the old timers around here who are able to sleep sitting up. But I don't envy their drool.

Five Days and Counting

2009-03-26T20:14:00.000-07:00

The process for getting our of here has begun. Tomorrow afternoon I pick up the keys to my new apartment and sign the lease papers. The rent is only going to be $533 a month. Saturday my friends will come by and pick up all my boxes from the nursing home, but I will stay here until Tuesday. Hopefully I will have a bed by then.

The fear of the unknown is setting in. It has been almost two years since I have last taken care of myself and I don't know how I am going to do it in a wheelchair. Either because of my disease or my medication, or maybe it is just this place, I suffer from night sweats when I sleep and often wake up drenched in sweat, my sheets cold and clammy. I usually have to have a nurse change them in the middle of the night. How am I going to do that on my own? But as I lay here listening to my roommate snore, worries like that see, trivial and not unsermountable. Tuesday can't come soon enough.

Coming soon...a new address

2009-03-25T19:00:00.000-07:00

I got the apartment! It's in a good location in the University District overlooking the freeway. At night I will pretend I-5 is a river. It will be music compared to my roommate's snoring.

I don't know what the rent will be yet, but it will probably be around $700 a month for a one bedroom, one bath (though I won't be able to use the shower, the toilet seems accessible). I will have to learn how to wash in the sink until I can walk again.

The place is not very big not very big, but I can get in and out alright, including the kitchen (I will need to buy a microwave). Since I don't have any furniture I can work with the space. At this point I just need a bed and something that other people can sit on when they visit. Oh, and I'll need a big TV, and maybe a rug (the floor is tile). A rug would tie the room together.

They said I can move in Monday but I am going to call tomorrow to see if I can get the keys this weekend. I need all of my stuff out before Tuesday or the nursing home will charge me for a full months rent, even though my bed won't be empty for more than a day. The business manager acts as if I owe her personally. I will happily write my last check to this place on the 31st for the $240 back rent I owe. Once I get my stuff out of storage and sort things out, life begins again.

Pondering my first home-cooked meal

2009-03-24T01:00:00.000-07:00

I don't want to get ahead of myself and already start planning on what I will cook first when I get my own place. Since my "incarceration" here in the nursing home, November 1, 2007, I have had two near-death experiences that set my treatment back to square one and have had housing opportunities slip through my fingers due to bad credit twice.

Still, as I lie here in my bed, listening to my roommate snore and Crazy Alice next door listen to her TV much too loud, I am fantasyzing what I will cook for myself first when I have a kitchen at my disposal. I am so sick of things that I have to microwave, so it will be something from scratch, or near enough. As much as I'd love a steak dinner with all the trimmings, I want to start off with something easier (and cheaper). I could make the Sloppy Guieseppes that I wrote about earlier, or just make spaghetti and garlic bread. Either would be simple (though I am a little leery of a big pot of boiling water as one of the first things I would make while in a wheelchair).

I think I'll start off with tacos. My tacos aren't all that different than the tacos any of you would make at home and, lord knows, there isn't a lack of good, cheap tacos in Seattle, but the difference is that these tacos will be made by me. They are the same tacos my Mom made for me when I was a kid (mine might be a little better than hers). They are just simple spicy ground beef American-Style tacos in lightly fried white corn tortillas with iceberg lettuce, sharp cheddar cheese, a little ketchup and a little Pico Pica Sauce (my Mom's favorite Hot Sauce). Except for cooking the meat, which is no different than cooking ground beef for spaghetti, except for the spices (for tacos I just use soy sauce, Pico Pica Sauce, and Penzey's Bold Taco seasoning). The tortillas I can just spray with Pam and pop in the microwave for thirty seconds. Of late I have been buying pre-shredded cheese so other than one frying pan, a spatula, a slotted spoon, and a plate (and a whole lot of paper towels) there won't be much fuss. (Since I will live alone I can drink my milk straight from the carton. My friends don't drink milk anyway).

Tacos sound good right now.

Another thing that sounds good is a meal that made me fat, but since I have lost 110 lbs. since I got sick, I can indulge myself one more time. That meal was boneless pork ribs, french fries, and heavily buttered creamed corn. Boneless pork ribs are simple. Just buy a boneless pork "butt" (shoulder) roast and cut into steaks, then cut each steak into at least three "ribs." Cook three ribs, freeze the rest in packages of three. Now that I know I can get Texas Best BBQ sauce again, I will make this as soon as I get a bottle. I usually do the fries in the oven, I haven't had a deep fryer in years and told myself I won't think of buying one unless I can stand up ay a counter for at least 30 minutes.

There are so many other things I want to make, and since it is unlikely that my disease will ever let me work full time again, I will have time to actually cook something more complicated than 30-Minute Meals. I have collected about 200 recipes off the internet that I want to try, including Seattle's The Brooklyn Seafood, Steak, & Oyster House's recipe for Clam Chowder (my favorite) and Angelo's Marinara Sauce (which I will use for many dishes including Shrimp and Clam Marinara with mushrooms and green olives over linguine).

I can easily come up with a years worth of meals, providing I first get a kitchen. Wednesday I look at the place and am 99% I'll apply for it. I am only 39% sure I'll get it. It is better to be pleasantly surprised than bitterly disappointed.

In Search of Housing (Part Two)

2009-03-23T17:10:00.000-07:00

I received an unexpected phone call this morning. It turns out the rules have changed and I am now eligible for low-income housing. There is an opening in an apartment building near 45th & 7th in the U-District (next to I-5). I have an appointment to look at it on Wednesday around lunchtime. Unless the place smells like urine or I can't fit my chair through the door I already know I'll take it. I want to get out of this place so bad. My roommate left his dirty diaper on the floor this morning, Last night the toilet kept running for hours and I didn't fall asleep until after four. I had bought a pair of ear plugs at the mall yesterday and tried them out. They are rated at 25 decibles and I could still hear the water running. I was also reminded how bad my tinitis is. I preferred listrning to the water run than the constant ringing in my ears.

In physical therapy I stood several times and it felt pretty good.

Groceries I can't find in Seattle anymore

2009-03-22T08:00:00.000-07:00

Besides the aformentioned Bagel Dogs, I was thinking of stuff I haven't seen at the grocery stores here in Seattle in years.

Albertson's Bakery French Bread Pizza - Even if there was an Albertson's still in business around here, I don't know if their bakeries still make French Bread Pizza. They are easy enough to make from scratch. Cut a large loaf of French bread in half lengthwise. Add just a little bit of pizza sauce with a little bit of finely chopped onion and add some shredded mozzarella and mild cheddar cheese. Sprinkle with oregeno. Put on the middle rack in the oven and broil until the cheese just starts to melt.

Larry's Frozen Poor Boy Sandwiches - Really just a skinny baguette with half-dollar sized slices of cotto salami, bologna and American Cheese with mustard. These are pretty easy to make from scratch as well. I usually use Sesame Rolls or Sesame hamburger buns. I nuke the cold cuts for 30 seconds first to melt off some of the fat, then build the sandwich and put in the toaster oven until the cheese melts. Serve with mustard and BBQ potato chips.

Larry's Frozen BBQ Roast Beef Sandwiches on Poppy Seed Kaiser Rolls - I have not been able to accurtly duplicate this and neither does Arby's. The only restaraunt that came close, and actually bettered them, was the formerly defunct Farrell's. The first problem I have is that it is really hard to find poppyseed Kaiser Rolls. Not every grocery store carry them. Next, I haven't been able to duplicate the sauce. It was spicy but just a little sweet. I probably should be looking at a cheaper brand of sauce rather than one of the gourmet brands. Then, what I really need, is my own deli slicer because the meat needs to be cut thin, but I find Deli Roast Beef often has a gamey taste. I can make a pretty damned fine roast myself. I am the King of the Prime Rib Dip Sandwich (another reason I need an oven).

Texas' Best BBQ Sauce - I first bought this at the Hickory Farms in Lacey, WA in the early 80s and later found it at QFC when I moved to Seattle, but I haven't seen it on the shelf in 15 years. It wasn't too sweet and had a little bit of spice. It had more mustard, I believe, than tomato and no molasses as far as I can tell. UPDATE: It is available again. You can get it here.

Spaghetti Pot Pies - I haven't even seen one in almost 40 years and then only at the Exchange at Fort Lewis. I believe Swanson made them and they came in the old foil pans like their pot pies. It was spaghetti with meat sauce (no crust) but my Mom would bake it until crunchy. I suppose these would be easy enough to duplicate with left over spaghetti and a pie tin.

Cherry Popsicles/Banana Popsicles (packages of six) - Though they still exist, I never see them in boxes of six by themselves. They usually come with other flavors I don't like, ie. Orange or Lime.

Mexican Frozen Dinners - Sure, most frozen food lines have a few obligatory Mexican dishses, but I can't find a brand that specializes in Mexican (like several do with Italian). I just wanted a beef enchilada but couldn'y find any, not counting Banquet.

Budget Gourmet Linguine with Bay Shrimp and Clams Marinara - Another thing I can make from scratch, but at ten times the cost. I don't know why they stopped carrying this flavor. I bought it all the time. I emailed Michelina's (who owns the Budget Gourmet brand) and asked them to bring it back.

Ore-Ida Cottage Fries - They still make them but they must not be popular around here because I haven't seen an Olympia or Seattle supermarket carry them since the 1970s. Until I have access to an oven (or a deep fryer) it's moot anyway.

Orr Brothers Burger Sauce - Sort of a spicier version of 1000 Island Dressing, but damned good on a burger. I saw it exactly once at QFC about five years ago and bought a couple bottles, which were thrown out by my friends when I went into the hospital. They also sold a "Fry Sauce" that looked identical except for the bits of pickle. Fry sauce seems to be a Utah thing so I suspect the company is from there. I can find nutritional facts on line but no place to buy it.

"Chessboard" Ice Cream - I am sure somewhere this is still available. All it was was vanilla and chocolate ice cream in a box and when you opened the side of the box its alternating flavors resembled part of a chess board.

Another Therapist Bites The Dust

2009-03-21T17:26:00.000-07:00

The latest therapist to leave the nursing home was Kathy, who got fired a couple days ago, though I just found out today. She was the only occupational therapist that was hired after the great exodus of last December of all the O.T.s that I had been working with me since I got here. Apparently most of the old folks didn't like Kathy because she actually expected them to participate in their therapy. She, like me, couldn't stand to have her time wasted and was vocal about it. It bugs me that these old vegetables get wheeled into therapy and sit and complain or sit and drool, when I acually want to be there and get better, but only get 45 minutes a day and only about 60% of my therapists attention.

The old folks, and the bosses didn't care for her, I guess, but I liked her. She gave me back rubs and improved my posture. She made me work hard, but I didn't mind. Even though I haven't had much energy lately, I still managed to make my way down there to work with her everyday Monday through Friday. Now I am not motivated to go there all. There are still some good physical therapists like Tobey, X, and Arthur that I enjoy working with, but they work on my legs, and Kathy worked on my back and my arms, and we could talk about how crazy this place is, or in her case, was. I just am not all that comfortable with the other therapists. They come off as either condescending, treating me like just another old timer/child, or they are too much of a cheerleader type. Positive reinforcement is all well and good, but don't kiss my ass unless I tell you to.

I wish I would have known Kathy was leaving. I would have liked to say goodbye and good luck.

In Search of Housing (Part One)

2009-03-20T17:29:00.000-07:00

I started looking for a place to live today. I looked at one place that was near perfect, it's a block away from the nursing home, is in a fantastic apartment complex with four swimming pools and tennis courts, had a porch, a view, and was on the ground floor. A large one-bedroom apartment for about $800 a month, except that my credit is too bad. I think I am going to run into a lot of that.

Since getting my transplant in 2006, I haven't been able to pay my many credit card bills because my prescriptions were close to $500 a month (not counting the anti-rejection medication I couldn't afford because it was $1,000 a week after insurance). And now 99.9% of my disability checks go to the nursing home. When I had money I paid off a lot of the smaller bills, but am still left with four or five fairly large debts (though smaller than the National average). Bankruptcy is my likely future.

My social worker is trying to help me out finding housing, but I am afraid that I may be stuck moving into an adult family home. As long as I am still in King County, West of Lake Washington, and North of the SODO, I'll take what I can get (as long as it's safe and not run by religious zealots).

Latest from my Doctor

2009-03-19T20:37:00.000-07:00

My infectious disease doctor gave me a clean bill of health, not withstanding all my other health issues. His only prescription was to "get the hell out of that nursing home and get some sleep." I asked him for a prescription for marijuana, but he laughed it off "it would probably help, wouldn't it."

I get the feeling that any doctor at Virginia Mason who prescribed marijuana would be fired, even though every one of them has told me that if I can get it, I should do it. Now if I could only find some.

Everybody Loves Pizza

2009-03-18T19:28:00.000-07:00

I just started reading Everybody Loves Pizza by Penny Pollak and Jeff Ruby and skipped to the back to see what Washington State pizzerias were recommended. Pagliacci's, naturally, made the list, as did Zeek's, Belltown Pizza) which I have still not been) and A New York Pizza Place, which, IMO, if their pizza is authentic New York pizza I'll stick with Seattle's (not that it's bad, it's just un-extraordinary). Much to my surprise and delight, my favorite pizza place, Pazzo's, made the list. I feel vindicated. I have been trying to get Nancy Leson at the Seattle Times to review them for years to no avail. Leave it to a national critic to give Pazzo's a thumbs up.

As far as the book, it is choc-ful of georgeous pictures and tells the story of pizza's trek from Italy to the United States. The book says their are four basic American styles of pizza. New York thin slice, Chicago Deep Dish, Californian (which stretches the boundaries of toppings) and New Haven, CT (known for white sauces and seafood toppings).

As I said, I haven't really scratched the surface of the book yet (like most "cook books" I mainly buy them for the pictures) but so far it seems pretty interesting,

Pacific Nortwest Hamburger Trivia

2009-03-17T22:03:00.000-07:00

I am currently reading the book "Hamburger America" by George Motz. (Here's his blog). Motz reviews "the best hamburgers in America" and Washington State placed twice. The first one is Dick's, an easy choice for history, though their are many Seattle institutions that could (and should) rate higher in quality (Red Mill comes to mind), and the second is Eagan's Big Tom, in my home town of Olympia. I talked in depth about Egans, Dicks, and others, in my previous post on hamburgers. What I found interesting by reading the book is that what I called "Dick Sauce," what Egan's has trademarked as "Goop" is an anomoly to the Pacific Northwest. Besides Egan's and Dick's, many other PNW hamburger places (including Kidd Valley) serve a similar sauce.

The book is an interesting read, though I wish there were more pictures of hamburgers, but it came with an accompanying DVD that was very interesting (though way too short). It featured eight diners across America. They were:

Solly's Grill, Milwaukee, WI (home of the Butterburger, a hamburger with what looks like a quarter cup of butter on it)

Ted's Restaraunt - Meridan, CT (home of the Steamed cheeseburger)

Dyer's Burgers - Memphis, TN (a deep-fried burger that has used the same grease for 90+ years)

Wheel In Drive Inn (CLOSED) - Sedalia, MO (home of the Guberburger, a hamburger with peanut butter)

Bobcat Bite - Santa Fe, NM (a Green Chili Burger)

Louis Lunch - New Haven, CT ("inventor" of the hamburger that has used the same broilers for 110 years)

Meer's Store & Restaurant, Meer's, OK (Home of the hubcap-sized hamburger. They use only fresh ground, grass fed, Texas Long Horn cattle)

Billy Goat Tavern & Grill, Chicago, IL (home of the Cubs Curse and inspiration for John Belushi's SNL sketch "Chezzboygi")

Of the eight Bobcat Bite's sounds the best to me. The idea of a deep-fried burger, a burger with a stick of butter on it, a burger with peanut butter, or one that is steamed doesn't sit well with my stomach (plus they disparage mayonaise, Meer's calls a burger with Mayo a "Sissyburger"). I'd still eat there, but I might sneak in a jar of Miracle Whip.

I haven't dived very far into the book (and I am still waiting for two more books on hamburgers and one on the history of pizza from Amazon).

Hamburger America has shot a pilot and hopefully a TV series isn't too far behind. Their must be a million places for hamburgers in America and at least 52 must have interesting stories

DSHS Sucks

2009-03-17T16:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was informed by DSHS that I have to immediately cash in my retirement savings and, until it is spent, I will lose my Medicaid benefits. That means all the money I saved the ten years I worked for the University of Washington will go to the nursing home as rent until my benefits are reinstated. This also means that not only will I not have the money I was counting on to start my life over (ie. get a place to live and furnish it) but I will lose my seniority at the University so the likelihood of being re-employed there again is diminished. Suffice it to say I am not a happy camper. I have instructed my social worker to get me the hell out of here now.

Recipes: Sloppy Guisseppe Sandwiches and Caesar Pesto Pasta Salad

2009-03-16T00:00:00.000-07:00

It's ironic that after throwing up all day yesterday, I spent all night laying in the dark, thinking of food. If I only had a kitchen.

I would start off by making a chunky marinara sauce. I would love to say I make mine by scratch, but I usually just combine two jars of different pasta sauces (I usually buy Classico, Barilla, or Bertolli's, whichever is on sale, but avoid Prego, Ragu, Hunts, or anything too cheap or too expensive). Then I'll add some Italian stewed tomatoes and Italian diced tomatoes, and then some tomato paste to thicken it. Next I'll add large chunks of green peppers, onions, roasted garlic, and button mushrooms; and add enough ground beef to make the whole concoction thick enough too stick a spoon straight up in it. Serve it on a toasted garlic rolls with a bit of Parmesan. My version of an Italian Sloppy Joe.

Yesterday I went to Pagliacci's before seeing Watchmen and had a slice of their Primo Pizza, which was fantastic, and got a Pesto Pasta Salad to go. I love their pesto salad and it reminds me of one of my favorite potluck dishes.

First I usually boil two packages of rainbow spiral pasta. Drain the pasta and let it cool. Barely saute, in pesto, one pound of sliced mushrooms. Add mushrooms to cooled pasta, along with one can of sliced black olives, one cup of chopped sun-dried tomatoes, one small bottle of capers, one cup of toasted pine nuts, and one cup of diced salami. Finally add one 20 oz. bottle of Caesar salad dressing (I prefer Cardini's). Mix and let sit in the refrigerator until chilled.

It's a lot more complicated in flavor than that of the pesto salad at Pagliacci's, but has always been a big hit for me at the potlucks. It is also not all that complicated to make (it takes less than a half hour) and can be a side dish or the meal itself.

Lack of sleep is making me sick

2009-03-15T19:14:00.000-07:00

I have had it with Marlin. I am requesting a new roommate. I hope I don't get another old man who suffers from dementia, snores like a buzz saw, and pisses on the floor. He keeps me awake all night with his frequent trips to the bathroom, and yet he still mahages to just stand there in the dark, pissing himself and the room.

I have been throwing up all day and can't keep any food down. I tried some liquid protein drink and that came right back up. I am so tired. I don't want to wind up in the hospital again. It hasn't been that long since my near death.

I Watched The Watchmen

2009-03-14T16:41:00.000-07:00

I went and saw Watchmen today. I thought it was great. It has been at least ten years since I read the graphic novel, twenty years since the novel came out. Of what I remember of that book, I think the film is as faithful as possible, while keeping it accessible to those who haven't read it. It is sort of a cinematic Cliff Notes as many sub plots and tertiary characters were cut out (though all of that is rumored to be included as bonus features for the DVD).

At times the films visuals made me think of 2001: A Space Odyssey, but while that film was visually interesting but devoid of emotion, Watchmen had both. It is also packed with some great action sequences and some very good acting, especially Jackie Earle Haley as Rorshach, and Jeffrey Dean Morgan as The Comedian.

Though this is a "superhero" movie I would not take the kids. The violence is over the top and there are a couple fairly graphic sex scenes. It officially clocks in at just under three hours but only felt like two. I can't wait for the DVD.

Speaking of DVDs, there are two Watchmen related DVDs currently available, neither of which I have seen.

Watchmen: The Complete Motion Comic is a fire-hour long cartoon version of the graphic novel drawn by the original artist and Watchmen: Tales Of The Black Freighter & Under The Hood is an hour long and includes two subplots cut from the film. I am tempted to buy these now, but I will wait until the Watchmen DVD comes out this summer in case these parts will be included in that DVD's extras.

Latest additions to my wish list

2009-03-13T18:03:00.000-07:00

I'm not asking anyone to buy me any of the stuff from my Amazon Wish List (that is so 14-year old girl) I'm just saying I've added some new items that I hope someday to own (and maybe you would too).

On April 21 Rhino will release the 3CD/1DVD Jane's Addiction box set, A Cabinet of Curiosities, which will be 100% previously unreleased material (or at least very hard to find), including a complete concert from the 1994 Ritual de lo Habitual tour. The DVD will have all of their music videos and additional live material from a 1994 appearance on MTV-Italy.

On June 9th a 40th Anniversary box set for Woodstock is coming out. It's three discs includes 18 additional performances and a "Making of" feature almost as long as the original three hour film. As far as I can tell the 18 additional performances, or at least most of them, were once available on a 1980s laser disc/VHS tape, but make their first appearance on DVD and Blu-Ray. There are no additioanl Jimi Hendrix performances, beyond what was added to the 1994 "Director's Cut" but his entire performance is already available on DVD. There is some additional Who material on this new release, but if you want more, seek out their documentary The Kids Are Alright. Maybe someday their whole performance will be available. To me this is the most exiting rockumentary DVD release since the Criterion version of The Monterey Pop Festival. Now if we can get similiar treatments for The 1970 Isle Of Wight Concert, the Beatles Let It Be and Frank Zappa's 200 Motels, I would be a happy camper.

On March 24, the third volume of Turner Classic Movies "Forbidden Hollywood" collection of Pre-Hays Code Hollywood will debut. This volume focuses on the films of William "Wild Bill" Wellman. I have the first two volumes and am looking forward to the third. I hope they continue the series before these films are completely forgotten.

On April 7 Universal opens their vaults for the similarly themed "Pre Code Hollywood Collection." The collection does not lack for stars (Cary Grant, Claudette Colbert, Tallulah Bankhead, etc.) but unlike the Turner box, it seems to lack extras (the Turner box has two documentaries as well as six feature films and accompanying cartoons). Both box sets are around $30 each, so that works out to about $5 a film, which is cheaper than going to the movies today (and probably more satisfying).

Finally, an item that I already ordered from Amazon, but thought you might like to know about:

On March 17, the import-only deluxe version of The Who's Who Sell Out is released with both the original 1967 mono and stereo mixes and several additional tracks. As much as I love Tommy, Who Sell Out has to be my favorite album by the band. The set will include all the tracks recorded during the 1967 sessions, which means omitting "Melancholia" the 1968 track that was from the 1995 remaster. Hopefully it will be added to a deluxe version of Odds & Sods, as I think "Melancholia" is the Who's greatest "unreleased" track and the perfect bridge berween Sell Out and Tommy. (When you fall in love with this album, and you will, check out Petra Haden's all-acapella version of the album. It is great.)

Food Blogs worth your time

2009-03-12T19:28:00.000-07:00

Besides therapy, watching TV, and sleeping, there is not much to do around here except surf the net (if you are lucky like me an have a lap top). Every day it seems like more and more sites are being blocked by this place's ridiculous web security. The latest sites to be blocked are "games," which means everything from reviews of video games to "According to Hoyle" are forbidden. Thankfully they still let me read blogs about food.

My current favorite food blog is For the love of cooking, a recipe site with easy instructions and lots of eye candy. It is updated often and the number of recipes number 280+. They run the gamut of domestic and international cuisine.

The Impulsive Buy is a site that reviews "ready-to-eat" meals and snacks that are found at most supermarkets. The writing is fairly witty and it has saved me from buying some crappy food. Phoood, which isn't updated as often, is a similar site.

Unless you plan on visiting the Northeastern United States, the following sites are only useful as eye candy. Slice is a blog that mainly reviews pizza in the New York area, but the writers will review pizza places in other cities from time to time. Pig Trip reviews barbecue places in Boston and NYC. The Burrito Blog reviews burritos (of course) available mainly in New England.

It would be great if I could point to some Seattle-based food blogs, but there are almost none to speak. Many have been started, only to be abandoned. If I wasn't of pitiful fixed income, and currently of no appetite, I would try to start a local food blog myself. There was a blog that reviewed Seattle area taco trucks, but since there aren't that many taco trucks in Seattle, and since they tend to move when business is bad, the site died a quick death. Seattle has so many great places to eat it would be easy to have separate blogs for hamburgers, pizza, sushi, seafood, steaks, Thai, Indian, Italian, Mexican, breakfasts, etc.

The only Seattle food blogs of note are All You Can Eat, written by Nancy Leson, of the Seattle Times, and Voracious by the Seattle Weekly. Eating Seattle is okay but rarely updated. Seattle Food Geek is a site I just discovered and so haven't formed an opinion of yet, but so far it looks good.

Still sick but still productive...sort of

2009-03-11T19:03:00.000-07:00

Except for getting coffee, going to QFC, baking biscuits, eating biscuits, and some physical therapy I didn't accomplish much today. I did listen to all the commentary tracks for season 4 of The Office. I know most people don't bother listening to commentary tracks but, as a former film student, I often find them usually interesting. It was the commentary track for the Criterion laser disc version of The Graduate (sadly this version is not available on DVD) that pointed out to me how Mrs. Robinson wore lots of animal prints, and her home was full of jungle plants, and as Benjamin became less and less enchanted with Mrs. Robinson, he noticed his mother was starting to dress and do her hair like her too. (It was stuff like this that made me want to make movies).

Most commentary tracks are pretty dry, but I especially like the ones for sitcoms, because I often find them funny (especially the ones for Mr. Show, The Office, and the movies Orgazmo and Cannibal: The Musical).

Saturday I am looking forward to catching the matinee at the Neptune to see Watchmen. I read the graphic novel years ago and thought it was pretty cool. The movie looks cool and I expect at least a couple hours of eye candy. There is no way they can reproduce the book. First, it would be eight hours long, minimum (the DVD is rumoured to have hours of deleted scenes that restores many subplots that were cut out of the theatrical version). Second, purists are disappointed that the film is visually darker than the graphic novel, which was drawn in the style of "Silver Age" comic books. Short of doing an all-CGI film, ala The Incredibles, are just doing it as a cartoon, I don't know how they would have satisfird the die hard. Finally, I heard the ending of the movie is slightly different than the book, which frankly, I barely remember.

If you've read the Watchmen and want to read something similiar, but with more familiar carachters, you should check out Justice League: The New Frontier. It is a great read and there is a condensed DVD cartoon version for the illiterate. It is similiar in plot to Watchmen, in that superheroes have been mostly outlawed, except for Superman and Wonder Woman, who are working for the Eisenhower administration. It tells the origin stories for the likes of Green Lantern, the Flash, and Martian Manhunter. It's good, but it is so similiar to Watchmen that it should be bonus material for the Watchmen DVD. However the artwork is very different to that of either the Watchmen graphic novel or the film, so stands on it's own pretty well.

Still sick, but I'm O.K.

2009-03-10T21:49:00.000-07:00

I wish this cold would go away. It would help if I could get more than an hours sleep at a pop. It's nothing serious, thanks, just a head cold. I think I blew my body weight out my nose today and there is no end in sight. They can't give me much for it that wouldn't wreck my kidney so I suck on Halls and try to force myself to drink water. I haven't done much therapy for a couple days. I'll try to force myself to do some tomorrow.

I wound up watching most of the bonus material from the fourth season of The Office. The deleted scenes are as good as the show itself, but if they put the scenes back in proper, each episode would be an hour and it would probably get tedious.

Fishy-fish, fish, fish. fish

2009-03-09T00:01:00.000-07:00

I've never been a big fan of fish. I should clarify that. I like looking at them. I am fascinated by aquariums of all sizes. From the six-foot one in the nursing home's dining room, to the giant ones with sharks and octopi swimming in them. I surprise myself that after nineteen years of living in Seattle I still haven't been to the local aquarium. (I need to rectify that). I used to go to the Point Defiance Zoo in Tacoma when I was a kid to watch the sharks and I am sure I must have been to an aquarium during the short time I lived in San Diego (I was three). When I went to Honolulu in 1990 I stayed in a hotel that had a huge, multi-story aquarium in its restaurant (I had the lobster). If I ever manage to go to the Bay Area again, I would like to visit the Monterey Bay Aquarium. I used to waste many hours at work watching the penguins on the internet.

I enjoyed going fishing for Rainbow Trout in the Skokomish River and Lake Cushman with my parents as a kid. It is a happy memory. Sometimes I would go off by myself to fish for Blue Gill in Chambers Lake and Long Lake in Lacey (they were practically in my back yard). I didn't have much, if any, luck fishing in lakes. I would often see the fish but they were never interested in what I had at the end of my line. But I loved standing knee-deep in the cold water of a river. I didn't particularly care if I caught a fish, though I had much better luck, sometime catching a half dozen, but i'd keep at it until I caught at least two. I liked the challenge of reeling a fish in (finding a nice twelve inch trout, rather than a six foot tree branch, at the end of my lure was a rush).

I also like fishing equipment, much like I like guns. I don't need to use one, so I don't need to own one, but I still like looking at them and holding them. I think I might still have my spin-cast reel, but I lost my pole a long time ago. I think I still have a couple of lures. A Super Duper and a Red Devil. Something I never tried was fly fishing. My Mom did. She even tied her own flies. I've also wanted to try to talk my friends into chartering a boat and go salmon fishing out in Puget Sound. Now I'll have to try to find one that caters to wheelchairs if I want to do it (except no one in Washington does it. Florida yes. Washington no).

I've never really liked eating fish, so I stopped fishing a long time ago. For the same reason I don't hunt...if I'm not going to eat it I don't need to kill it. When I was a kid I found fish mostly tasteless, except for whatever seasoning was on it, lemon and pepper, for instance. I also had a trout bone stuck in my throat once when I was a kid and hated having to spend time there after searching for bones. I don't like working for my food. (Likewise I don't eat berries with seeds that I have to pick out of my teeth, and never again will I kill and pluck a chicken when I can go to the supermarket and buy one for five bucks).

I do love shellfish, which is not really fish, they just live in the same neighborhood. I remember, or at least I remember remembering, eating New England lobster when I was two years old living in Groton, Connecticut, the one year my Dad's submarine was stationed there. I also remember back when there were no limits or licenses for shellfish in Washington State, back in the late 60s, filling up the trunk with rock clams and oysters in Potlatch, then digging for razor clams in Ocean Shores.

I'm not a huge fan of tuna sandwiches, though my friend Todd made me a great one with horseradish and capers, and my Mom used to put in chopped up hard-boiled egg whites in hers. I also like tuna casserole, the kind with cream of mushroom soup. I add sliced button or Crimini mushrooms, Tabasco, garlic salt, and crushed black pepper. Some people add peas or crushed up potato chips, but that sounds gross.

I like salmon but never cook it. It seems like a lot of work and I prefer it grilled rather than steamed, and don't have access to a BBQ (or an oven for that matter). I leave cooking fish to the experts. There used to be a food stand at many Seattle Center events (Bumbershoot, Folk Life, The Bite) that made a great salmon sandwich, and I love smoked salmon.

They serve fish here in the home at least once a week. It is some kind of grey fish, often served on a grey pasta or grey rice. Its smell is nearly as bad as its looks. The only fish they serve that I eat is the occasional fish sandwich, much like the McFish, or whatever they call it at McDonald's.

Doctors say that it is important to include fish in ones diet because fish is a great source for Omega-3 fatty acids, protein, and Vitamin D so I have tried adding more fish to my diet, but somehow I think canned tuna or a "fishwhich" is not the best source for these nutrients (I am sure I can ask my friend Paul if this is true. He is the healthiest eater I know).

Luckily, I love sushi. It is ironic that I had never had sushi before I went to Japan in early 1991, and didn't eat it there either (I was there four days and went to Shakey's, Burger King, and The Hard Rock Cafe).

The first time I ate sushi was with my friend Stefanie. It was a late night in Spring 1991. I had already gone to bed after a twelve-hour shift doing customer service for Eddie Bauer. She rang my buzzer one evening and invited me out. I didn't know her very well at the time, only that she was hot and I felt we made a connection at a party (we were both very high and very drunk). I buzzed her in and got dressed as fast as I could. At the time she was roommates with my friend Todd, before they hooked up and wound up being a couple for a few years., but at the time I thought she was single. When I answered the door, she was there with her "surprise!" boyfriend, Patrick, an oceanographer and a bit of an dick and a know-it-all pretty boy. Now Stefanie lives in Santa Monica and after 18 years she is still one of my best friends, but anyway, thanks to her I was introduced to sushi. They took me to a place called Hana, on Broadway and I loved it. I couldn't get enough of it. I think I ate everything on the menu, from eel to deep-fried shrimp heads. If sushi wasn't so expensive, I would eat it everyday.

I soon learned that Seattle is a great city for sushi and Hana isn't even in the top 20 except that it is really cheap compared to better places, but it is better than grocery store sushi.

Over the past eighteen years, since that first night, I have been to many places for Seattle, maybe a dozen, but I still have a couple dozen to try (many more if I leave the city limits).

Whenever I go someplace new I usually order the same three things.

#1 A Rainbow Roll (a California Roll with various fish and avocado wrapped around the outside). I find this to be very economical because I love California Rolls (especially if they use real crab instead of Krab) and it's a way to test the freshness of the sashimi (raw fish).

#2 A Salmon Skin Roll

#3 A Shrimp Tempura Roll

These three tolls are usually more than filling enough, and usually wind up costing me about $20. But if it is someplace new I will also ask the chef what is fresh.

When I eat alone I like to sit at the bar and watch the chef work his/her magic. I also find if you talk to them they'll sometimes slip you something special an unique in the house. Since I've been in the chair I have only gone out for sushi once and had to sit at a table. It was a little Bento place in Shoreline. The sushi was fine but maneuvering myself into the place was very difficult and detracted from my enjoyment. Before I spend all of my income tax return I'll give a different place a try. Maybe when I go see the Watchmen.

Sushi Restaurants In Seattle that I Highly Recommend

Aoki (uses real crab in California Roll)
Saito's (where Ichiro goes)
Red Fin Sushi
Sushi Tokyo (uses real crab in California Roll)
Ototo (try the Lobster Roll)
Shiro's (Seattle's most beloved sushi chef)
Chiso
Nishino
I Love Sushi
Chinoise
Rain

Honorable mentions

Hana (cheap)
Best Of Bento (cheap)
Kozue (cheap)
Musashi's (cheap)
Tokyo Gardens (cheap)
Rice-n-Roll (weird ingredients like steak)
Blue C Sushi (if you like conveyor belts)
Bush Garden (not great, but fun)
Benihana (see Bush Gardens)

Sushi Restaurants In Seattle that I still want to try

Wasabi Bistro
Mashiko
Kisaku
Toyoda Sushi
Mori
Todai
Umi Sake House
Nijo
Moshi Moshi

There are a lot more and they open and close all the time. Even with this economy there will always be great sushi, and seafood restaurants in general, in Seattle. (San Francisco and Los Angeles are great for sushi too, but I haven't been to enough places there to recommend a place to eat).

I also collect sushi cookbooks (an oxymoron). You only need one or two, but I like looking at the pictures, so I have at least four. Ones that I recommend:

The Complete Book of Sushi
The Book of Sushi
Easy Sushi
The Great Sushi & Sashimi Cookbook

I have made sushi myself on a couple occasions. It is incredibly easy. If you can make rice, you can make sushi. Even rolls. I have made California Rolls (Crab, Avocado, & Cucumber) and Seattle Rolls (with smoked salmon, cream cheese, green onions). If you want to go with a traditional Maguro (Tuna) Roll or Nigiri (individual piece of fish on rice) you can usually find sushi-grade tuna at seafood stores and at Whole Foods, Uwajimaya, or online.

Here are some decent sites to get you started making, or just eating, sushi:

Make Sushi At Home
Make My Sushi
Sushi Encyclopedia
Sushi Day (Blog)
Eat Sushi
Sushi Dictionary
Sushi FAQ
Sushi Links
Sushi on Flickr

Feeling better

2009-03-08T19:09:00.000-07:00

I am feeling better than yesterday. I spent most of the day in bed watching season two of 30 Rock and eating chocolate donuts and chicken noodle soup (not at the same time).

UPDATE: 11:47 p.m. It is snowing again.

Still Sick

2009-03-07T18:37:00.000-08:00

The doctor says I have an upper respiratory infection, so I have been spending most of the day in bed watching classic film noir (This Gun For Hire, The Big Clock and Ace In The Hole). I might watch a third movie since there is nothing on TV, but I am pretty tired. It snowed for about five seconds when I went to Starbucks this morning.

More snow?

2009-03-06T17:44:00.000-08:00

Except for a quick trip to the mall to buy a Pretzel Dog (it was OK, but it was no Bagel Dog) I have spent most of the day in bed with a cold. At least I hope it's a cold. I don't need another bacterial infection. The last one almost killed me. That little fact was confirmed when I had lunch with my friend Todd yesterday (we went to Red Robin). He said that the hospital had called to ask him if I wanted to live. I guess I am lucky he said "Yes."

I hope I feel better soon. I would like to go see The Watchmen. But I am worried that the weather seems to be getting colder after almost Spring like weather. The bews says it might snow. Stay tuned.

First they giveth, then they taketh away

2009-03-05T07:28:00.000-08:00

I got up this morning, hoping to see that the IRS deposited my $930 refund, so I could order my HDTV from Amazon, but instead found out that I am overdrawn by $258. When I add up all the debit cards and purchases I made since Saturday, I should be overdrawn about $50, which would include one overdraft fee. Whe I looked at my balance when I took the money out to by my replacement XBOX360, I forgot to subtract the amount for what I ordered from Amazon, I thought the amount of my balanc already included that.

I have never been good at balancing my checkbook, which is even bigger a bane of my existence than my health. I also seem to have to get rid of money as soon as I have it. At least I paid my participation fee here at the home, which is the check I thought might put me over the top, but they also usually hold the check longer and I thought I'd have got my refund by now. But because Amazon split my order into four packages, they charged me four times and each overdraw cost me $38.

I should get my refund this week, but it has now been cut down by almost 40%. I guess I won't be getting an HDTV after all. I'll save the rest of the money for food. At least I will try.

Look Out Below

2009-03-04T18:59:00.000-08:00

The internet was down here until about an hour ago, but I didn't have much to say anyway. The post about hamburgers didn't get finished until two in the morning, so I didn't sweat not able to post for the day.

I still haven't got my appetite back and have barely ate since Saturday. It's taking its toll.

In lieu of anything interesting to say to day, I offer you this link for some cool eye candy (example of which is above.

Now that's a tasty burger

2009-03-02T23:51:00.000-08:00

I can't remember the last time I had a really good hamburger. A thick juicy one. So juicy that it runs down the wrist and down the chin. A four napkin hamburger. All the hamburgers I have had since I went into the hospital have been of the thin, over-cooked variety. I can't describe how lame the burgers here in the home are except that they make high-school cafeteria hamburgers taste down-right gourmet.

I used to like Burger King, which there is one about a block away, but I have seemingly lost the taste for them. They aren't tasty enough to make me want to finish one. Even a Whopper Jr. is a struggle to finish. The only other fast food burgers that slightly interest me are Dairy Queen or Fatburger, both of which are on the Eastside of Lake Washington and not worth the multiple bus rides in my wheel chair.

At the mall on Saturday I was tempted to go to Red Robin, which I like, but the nausea I've suffered from for the past week or so was with me, and so I had to pass. I think the next time my friend Todd wants to buy me lunch, which he often has, I will arrange to meet him at the Northgate Red Robin. We have had many a burger there.I also like them because they have endless refills on fries and soft drinks, which now that I don't eat very much, means nothing to me anymore.

There are a few burger blogs I visit (see below), mainly looking for good "food porn." The one thing these burger blogs all have in common, is they only review cheeseburgers. I have never liked cheeseburgers. Mainly because I grew up having mayo on my burger and the combination of mayonnaise and cheese makes me gag. Actually, rather than mayo, I prefer Miracle Whip, which is what I was raised on, and what I think is infinitely better. My other toppings of choice are pretty simple. Iceberg Lettuce, sliced pickles and/or relish, sautéed mushrooms, and occasionally onions (but raw onions give me heartburn so I usually skip them). My only other caveat (if I am using that word correctly) is that I don't like tomatoes on my burger. I have never been a fan of raw tomatoes. To me, they practically have no taste and just make the burger wet, as opposed to juicy. Todd, and Paul, and all my friends actually, say that I am too picky. But, hey, I like what I like.

Whenever possible, instead of mayo or Miracle Whip, I will have what a restaurant that I used to go to when I was a kid growing up in Lacey, called (or maybe it was just me) "Secret Sauce," which was some variation of Thousand Island Dressing. It was inside the South Sound Center (mall) and the place was called "Ye Old Sweet Shoppe" (I don't think it's there anymore. If I remember correctly it became a Lens Crafter in the late 80s.)

At the same time, there was a burger stand called Eagan's Big Tom. They had a sauce called "Goop" that I absolutely loved, but didn't know what it was. There was also an A&W that I used to go to (it closed in the early 70s) and they sold what they called the "Mama Burger," which had a similar sauce, called "Teen Sauce," which brings all kinds of mental pictures in my head, none of them related to hamburgers.

Many years later, when I moved to Seattle, I found a another similar, if not identical, sauce on the "Dick's Deluxe" at Dick's Drive In. After eating at Dick's for many years, I think I figured out how to make what I have dubbed "Dick Sauce."

1 Cup Mayo (not Miracle Whip, because it is two sweet)
1/2 Cup Sweet Relish
2 TBSP Yellow Mustard

Pretty simple.

I can't think of a single hamburger I have had in Seattle that makes me crave one right now. I have had some good ones. A few that come to mind are: Red Mill, which is often voted "Best In Seattle" and it is pretty good be the best (but it's their onion rings that make me keep going back. Shultzy's Sausage is very good. It is served on a soft-ish baguette. I am not crazy about their french fries, so have their potato salad instead. Norm's in Fremont is pretty good, as I remember it, which is barely. The Two Bell's Tavern near Belltown also serves their burgers on a french roll and that don't have a deep frier, so again, I go for the potato salad. The Kidd Valley chain is hit and miss, as is Scooters in Ballard. Bad Albert's, also in ballard, has a pretty good bar burger if I recall.

The Burger of the Month group (1265 postings as of today) over at the Mouthfuls forum recommend a lot of places, notably the Lunchbox Laboratory, which in a past post I said I wanted to go. I think that the group still claim that The Palace Kitchen has the best burger in Seattle, but they aren't open for lunch, so I've never been. I find the place a bit fancier than the wardrobe I have available to me right now anyway.

As good as any of these places are, I would rather make my own. I take pride in being able to make a good hamburger. I have been making hamburgers, and cooking in general, since I was twelve. My mother oftem worked until seven, but I was home by three, so unless I wanted to wait for her, I had to cook for myself.

I remember some of those early attempts at burgers. Crispy on the outside, raw on the inside. I would wind up scooping out the raw part with my index finger and chow down on what was left. After a few attempts, I figured out that you don't cook everything on "high." (The only thing that should be high is me, but after I am done cooking.) I have made pretty good burgers ever since.

Hamburger Blogs of various quality

Hamburger America
A Hamburger Today
Portland Hamburgers
The Chicago Burger Project
Best Burger In Town (Chicago)
Hoosier Burger Boy (San Francisco)
Texas Burger Guy
Hamburger
World's Greatest Hamburger Blog

Let's Go To The Mall II

2009-03-02T18:46:00.000-08:00

I wound up going to Best Buy and bought a new XBOX360. The old one was beyond repair. I hope to get my income tax return some time this week to get a new TV. I am sure the minute I buy it the home will replace all the old ones with new flat screens, which they said they would do since I got here (November 2007).

It's good to have a working game console. Maybe things won't be so boring now.

Not much to say today

2009-03-01T19:54:00.000-08:00

It was a pretty boring day. I have had absolutely no appetite at all, despite going to Safeway and buying a huge pork chop and potato. I stopped taking the antibiotic a few days ago and I am still waking up with a sick stomach and headache. I tried resting but the lunatics were out in force today with all their screaming.

Let's Go To The Mall

2009-02-28T19:42:00.000-08:00

Today was a pretty good day, mostly because I had money in my pocket, but also because it felt about ten degrees warmer than yesterday, my friend Geoff visited, and I found out that my insurance company has underpaid me $1,072 over the past year (and I am not giving it to the home).

I could have slept all day had I not been woken up to have my bandages changed around ten, but I don't like spending all my time in bed. Life is boring enough.

Geoff came to visit around lunch and he brought me some food from Taco Bell. Once again they screwed up my order (I asked Geoff for two Grilled Stuffed Steak Burritos with extra baja Sauce, which he ordered, but gave him ground beef...at least, this time, they remembered the Baja Sauce). Like Joe Pesci said in Lethal Weapon 2, "They always fuck you in the drive through." It was still good. So was the giant Dr. Pepper.

After he left I went to the mall (Northgate) for the first time. It was not as intimidating as I thought it would be and whenever I went into a store the staff members were eager to help me. I bought a couple Seattle Mariners hats (one retro and one contemporary). I went into a video game store and talked to the salesman to ask if I should get my XBOX360 fixed or buy new (he said buy new, of course, based on my description of the problem).

The only store I wanted to go into but didn't was a kitchen store. The aisles looked too narrow for my chair to fit and I feared I would break something.

After that I went to a sporting good store and bought a couple travel cups and a hand/grip exerciser. Then I went to Best Buy and looked at HDTVs. I think I am going to get a small one (26") while I am here in the home (the 26" has a nice sized screen but small footprint). If I wind up getting a one-bedroom apartment, as opposed to a studio, I will buy a bigger HDTV for the livingroom.

Next had a steak dinner. It was little overcooked for my taste, but it was better than what I would have got at the home. I still have half of it left. Tomorrow I am going to venture up to Safeway, which sells individual rolls, and make a steak sandwich.

Things I Miss About Seattle In the Nineties

2009-02-27T17:25:00.000-08:00

(In no particular order).

The Hobo Scram/Pablo's Potatoes at The Green Cat Cafe; the Whole Roasted Chicken (and sides) at Capon Rotisserie on 15th; the Grilled Chicken Sandwich, Potato Salad, and Dr. Brown's Cream Soda at A.J.'s Deli on Madison; buying slices and raw pizza dough at Rocket Pizza; and the deep dish pizza at Testa Rosa.

(The Original) Moe's, The O.K. Hotel, Sit & Spin, The Weathered Wall, RCKNDY, The Off Ramp, Colourbox (the club, not the shitty band), Orpheum Records, Tower Records, Ernie Steele's, and the Cloud Room.

Having friends with bands that should have been bigger than the Foo Fighters or Pearl Jam (Medelicious, Third Door Down, Micheline Impossible, Dickweed, the Midwives, and Laundry) but never progressed beyond the self-produced 45 or CD.

Looking forward to the next record by Nirvana, Soundgarden, Love Battery, Lush, The Pale Saints, or the Afghan Whigs.

The Sonics in the playoffs.

The Mariners in the playoffs.

Rainier Beer commercials.

The Rocket (Seattle's "sort of" alternative weekly newspaper before The Stranger).

Joel McHale at Theatersports.

When my friends and I were in our twenties, working all day, hanging out all night.

Doing the cocktail thing before everyone else jumped on the bandwagon. (Same with swing dancing).

One bedroom apartments less than $1,000 a month.

The friends of mine who have moved far away (but keep in touch): Stefanie (Santa Monica), Lian, & Jeremy (Bandon, OR), and Loren & Mona (Oakland).

My friends who have moved far away (but don't keep in touch): Julie (Unknown), Ann (Brooklyn), Dave (Los Angeles), Todd K. (Oakland) & Greg (D.C.)

Knowing somebody (or somebody who knew somebody) who could get me weed on a moment's notice.

Crazy Fucking Old People part deux

2009-02-27T15:26:00.001-08:00

Twice in five days I have been prevented from sleeping by senile old men. Monday it was Crazy Jack, and last night it was my roommate Marlin. First of all, he started snoring loudly at around 8:30 p.m. until 3:00 a.m., when he decided to turn on all the lights and left them on all morning. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he said he was looking. He told me I ran my mouth too often, which came completely out of left field, and then it was mostly silent except for his occasionally opening and closing his bedside drawers.

It's now 3:30 in the afternoon and he has no memory of it, so any revenge I fantasized about as I lay in bed, trying to fall back asleep, would be a waste of time.

At the time, I pushed my call light and it took an hour and a half for a nursing assistant to show up. This seems like it should be criminal. Considering how hard my heart starts beating when I don't get any sleep, I could have easily been having a coronary, which is ironic because I think one of the guys across the hall died this morning (around 7:00). There was a scream and a lot of shouting (in Chineses) then about twenty minutes later the paramedics showed up. I didn't see the body taken away, but when I got up, the person in questions name had been taken off the door.

Not a good sign.

Today My father would have been 72

2009-02-26T06:28:00.000-08:00

My first roommate here at the home was named Eddie. Every time I try to write about him, it seems more like the eight months we roomed together would be worthy of a book in itself, but I only bring him up in this post because he has a brother, Derek, who is into genealogy. As much as I hate being in this nursing home, the one good thing that came out of it was that thanks to Eddie and Derek, I was reunited (at least by phone and through email) with my Aunt Jeannette (who is a couple years older than me) and I found out that my father, actually both of my fathers, had died.

First, the father I never knew, but whom I was named after, died in 2003. The story is, according to my mother, was that he basically date raped her while they were both in the Navy. I learned this as we were watching one of my favorite movies, American Graffiti, during a scene where Ron Howard's character wants to have sex with Cindy Williams' character, but she doesn't want to, but says if he wants to do it, fine, she will just lay there and not enjoy it. Ron Howard's character doesn't have sex with Cindy's character. My biological father did have sex with my Mom. Today we call that date rape, back then the word "No" was not taken seriously. Anyway my Mother got pregnant, and in 1963 you could not be a pregnant woman or a Mom and stay in the Navy, so she was given an hoonorable discharge. My biological father would not take responsibility for my conception, despite that his name appears on my original birth certificate.What I learned from his obituary, he left the Navy and became an electrician and lived outside Detroit (I guess I can be thankful that I didn't grow up in Detroit. It doesn't sound like a good place to live). He married a woman less than a year after I was born. He also had a son a little younger than me. His was a lifelong Detroit Red Wings fan, and loved motorcycles. He also suffered from chronic heart disease, so now I know where I get my poor health from.

The person I knew and whom I called Dad, died in 1999. No one ever told me. that he had died I don't even think anyone tried. It's not like I didn't want a relationship with him or didn't periodically try to connect with him. But we never had much of a relationship and I don't know if he even thought of me as his son, despite the fact he adopted me when I was two when he married my Mom. I don't know if when he saw me, he thought of my biological father, my Dad's former best friend knocking up his girlfriend while he was away on tour of duty. But considering my Dad was married at least seven times before his death, and cheated on every one of his wives, I don't think he had any reason to bothered by it.

His name was Forrest Raymond Davenport, but his friends called him "Dave." He was the third of five brothers. When I think about him, I think he would have been great fun to hang out with if you were his peer. There are friends from college that remind me of him. Actually, there is a girl I used to live with who reminds me of him too, in that when they are interested in you they can make you feel like the most important person in the world and your entertainment is the most important thing to them, but the second they get bored with you, they treat you like shit and make you feel worthless. That's how my Dad often made me feel.

Growing up, he was hardly ever home. He was in the Navy up until I was about ten. For most of that time he was either serving on submarines, on duty in Hawaii, Japan, or Thailand, and he spent one or two tours as a medic in Vietnam. Though he could have taken my Mom and me with him to Hawaii and Japan, he decided to stick us in his home town of Olympia, Washington. For a short time prior to that we lived together in Groten, Connecticut (my only memory is eating lobster) and San Diego, California, but in 1968 he deposited my Mom and I in his home town of Olympia, Washington. (This wound up working out for my Mom because she got an entry level job working for the State as a data entry operator, which eventually led her into becoming a computer systems analyst).

The only times I ever saw my father was when he would come home on leave for a couple weeks each year, or the occasional weekend if he was stationed in Bremerton, about a two hour drive from Olympia. When he was home we would often go camping or fishing and the first few days we would have fun. I have pictures of myself as a child with my father and you would think we were close. But his visits would almost always end with him beating my ass. When he was angry with me for whatever reason, he would tell me to go find a "switch." Either a branch off of the neighbors willow tree, or something similar. He would say, "You better find one big enough or I am going to find one bigger." One time, when we were coming back from a camping trip in the Olympic Mountains, which was a really great time for almost a whole week, he got pissed off at me for running downhill (admitedly a stupid thing to do on my part) and he whipped me with his fishing pole, breaking the tip off. For the rest of my childhood with him, that fishing pole was always in view to remind me what would happen if I misbehaved again.

His punishments weren't always limited to physical abuse (today it would be considered abuse, back then it was just "punishment.") I remember one time, and I don't even remember what it was that I did, he decided to punish me by sending me out into a field and dig a hole. Not just any hole. He wanted a hole that was exactly six foot square and exactly six inches deep. This was in October so it was cold and the ground was hard. He would periodically come out and measure the hole. After awhile it grew dark and he wouldn't let me use a flash light. I wound up being outside for hours in the dark, digging and crying (I was eight years old at the time). Finally, around ten o'clock he came out and sent me to my room without dinner. The next day was the first time I ran away from home.

Even after my fther retired from the Navy he found excuses not to be home. First he decided to go to a community college that was only ten miles away, but he didn't want to commute, so he took an apartment near the school. After that he took a job as a forest fire fighter and was stationed up in the Olympic Mountains. Why my parents didn't just get divorced a long time before, I don't know why, but after some punishment I don't remember for what, which initiated the second time I ran away, I told my Mom to divorce him (I was ten) and she did. If I'd known that was going to work, I would have told her to divorce him when I was six, shortly after we moved to Olympia, before we adopted my psycho of a brother.

Between the age of ten and eighteen my relationship with my father was practically nonexistent. Whenever he would call our house, the only thing he ever said to me was "Let me talk to your mother." It wasn't until I was eighteen, when I wrote a letter to him saying I was joining the Army (I was too fat for the Navy) that he called me to talk me out of it. His twenty years in the Navy soured him on the military, despite the fact he had great benefits and a pension for the rest of his life. It seemed like we were starting to have a positive relationship. When I was twenty, he showed up at my door, and within hours we were driving to his house in Livingston, Montana. Once again, the beginning of our time together was great fun. We went fishing in the Yellowstone River (I caught a couple niced sized trout). The drinking age in Montana at the tim was 18 or 19, so I went to a bar for the first time and was introduced to Harvey Ballbangers and Amaretto & Cream.

He had a job working as a driver for an industrial laundry service, so he was going to be gone for a few days, so he left me his Thunderbird, and while he was gone I drove down to Yellowstone Park and also to Bozeman, a college town with a decent record store. I spent the rest of the week reading Stephen King novels on his couch or going to various non-chain burger shacks for most of my meals. In 1983 there wasn't a lot to do in Livingston except hunt and fish, neither of which I did. It wouldn't be for another fifteen years or more before Bruce Willis and his friends discovered Livingston and made the place unaffordable for normal people. The most famous person who lived there back then was Evel Knievel's brother. (Evel's famous rocket car , the one he tried jumping the Snake River Canyon in, was rusting in the back yard).

When my Dad returned after five days on the road, it did not take long before he returned that he found some reason to be angry with me. He was mad that I did not dry out the bathtub after taking a shower and that I didn't take the garbage out to the curb, despite the fact there was hardly any trash in the can. I wound up making an excuse to cut my trip short, and the next day he put me on a Greyhound bus back to Olympia.

A year later he came by my house again, but my dog, who was a very gentle and happy dog, barked at him, so he turned around and left. I was 21 by then so we could have gone to a bar or Denny's or somewhere to talk, but appaerently it wasn't important enoughto stick around. I didn't see or hear from him again until I called him seven years later to tell him my Mother had died. He said he was too busy to come to the funeral. I called him again five months later to invite him to my college graduation, but again he said he was too busy. A couple years later I tried tracking him down through my Uncle, who had the nerve to tell me that I was "not much of a son to my father" but he would let my father know that I called. A few months later my father called me in Seattle. My roommate Paul answered the phone and handed it to me. The first words out of my father's mouth was "Is that your boyfriend?' That is all I remember from the conversation. I never saw or heard from him again. I grew tired of trying to have a relationship with someone who obviously did not want to have a relationship with me.

When I see my friends and hear about what great relationships they have with their parents, let alone their Dad's, I am envious. I wonder how much better I would be as a person had I had a positive male role model growing up. I really didn't have anyone to look up to. Both of my fathers, in their unique ways, were assholes. My Mom never dated, so there was never a man around. Maybe if I had a Dad, a "real Dad," I wouldn't feel like such a pussy so often. Maybe I would have grown up a stronger person and maybe even met someone and had a family of my own, instead of being a forty-five year old "semi-virgin." But I can't go back in time and make either of my fathers be better at their job.

But for all his faults, m adopted father was a better father than the guy whose seed that spawned me. At least for a very brief time, he took responsibility for me, and he did sign the adoption papers, so for at least the amount of time it took him to sign his signature on a piece of paper, he wanted to be my Dad.

Brief health update

2009-02-25T20:00:00.000-08:00

Yesterday's blog entry is so long, and so is the one that I wrote in advance for tomorrow, that I don't have much to say today. I am doing better each day. By the end of the week I should be able to get in and out of bed on my own, even though it is still a bit tiring. My Infectious Disease doctor called to tell me that I tested negative for bacteria, but he still wants to see me next month. That is fine. I am going to try to get up the nerbce to as about a prescription for medical marijuana. Of all my doctors (I actually have five doctors) I think he is the most likely to write me a prescription. He knows more about my disease than the rest of them and I think he would be sympathetic. So fat every doctor I've met has been pro-pot, and though medical marijuana is legal in this state, all the doctors are afraid that they'll get busted by the Feds, just for writing on a piece of paper they think it's O.K. for me to smoke weed; that it will alleviate my pain and increase my appetite (those of you who don't know, I have now lost 110 lbs. since I got sick).

Mmmmm pizza

2009-02-24T16:51:00.000-08:00

At this time I also want to thank Jason, the manager of the Pagliacci's on the Ave, for treating me to a couple slices and a delicious Gorgonzola salad this afternoon. Jason says that from now until March 20 the Primo slices will be the same price as a plain cheese slice ($2.09) and whole 13" and 17" pizza will be 30% off (one discounted pizza per order, available for dine in, take out, or delivery). His generosity inspired this post.

Transplanted people from NYC, Chicago, Philadelphia, and other places in the North East say Seattle, and the rest of the Pacific Northwest, does not have any decent places for pizza. As someone who doesn't know any better, I disagree.

I have been eating pizza now for about 40 years. My earliest memories are of going to Shakey's, often for a friend's birthday party, after a Cub Scout meeting or Little League game (only after we won a game. If we lost we were lucky of we got orange sherbet). This was back when Shakey's was really good and, I think, the only national pizza chain at the time. Back then, the earle '70s, Shakey's used to show Bugs Bunny cartoons and Buster Keaton movies on the wall and they had a player piano in the corner (this was a few years before the likes of Space Invaders). The kids would watch the cartoons and movies while the parents were in the "Adults Only" part drinking pitcher's of Lucky Lager or Olympia Dark.

Back then, if I had my druthers, I preferred to go to Luigi's Pizzeria in Lacey, a long ago, out of business Italian restaurant that, for me, is still the standard barer when it comes to great pizza. I remember the crust being thin and crispy (but not cracker-like) with the occasional air bubble. The mozzarella was bone white and gooey and when taking a slice, a long string of cheese would cling to the rest of the pie, but the toppings never slid off. The pepperoni had curly edges with a little pool of delicious grease in each bowl-shaped slice. Back then I wasn't as picky as I am now about what kind of pizza I ate or where it came from. I even liked the pre-frozen, pre-delivery pizza that Chef Boyardee kit in the box.

Around the time I turned ten (1974), frozen pizza started showing up at our local supermarkets. Back then the best was Tony's pizza, before it was "improved" so many times that it finally tasted as bad as Gino's or Totinos pizza. A few years later, I think I was fifteen when Lacey got its first delivery place, a Pizza Haven (there is still one left in Seattle). I remember their pickup trucks with the ovens in the back that kept the pies warm. Then we got other chains (Pizza Hut, Dominoes, and the locally owned Brewery City Pizza, where I worked for six months and learned how to toss a pie when I was 20). Except for Brewery City, I thought all the chains, including Round Table, Little Ceasar's, and Godfathers were crap.

I gave up eating crap pizza when I moved to Seattle almost nineteen years ago. Correction, I stopped paying for crap pizza almost nineteen years ago. If someone else wanted to pay for crap pizza and offered me a slice, I would gladly accept it. I also still buy the occasional frozen Red Baron or Tombstone Pizza (though I often add my own extra toppings). Lately I have been buying the My Brother's Pizza brand Four Cheese Chicago Style pizza from the QFC deli department, and dress it up with toppings like Canadian Bacon and Pineapple, or Italian Sausage, Pepperoni, and Mushroom. I like to top it off with balls of fresh mozzarella. I do this when I am too lazy to go buy pizza-by-the-slice, but too broke to order delivery.

I find that all I need these days to be sated are two, sometimes three slices. of pizza. Since I have been in the home, I have thrown more pizza away than eaten it because I when I have ordered out for pizza, after a couple slices, the remaining pizza will sit in the nurse's station refrigerator for a week before I finally tell them to toss it. (With my condition I cannot count on having an appetite on any given day. That could be remedied if I was legally allowed to smoke weed).

Until I moved to Seattle, I had never heard of places outside of New York City where you could buy pizza-by-the-slice. I grew up in and around Olympia and the closest we had to pizza-by-the-slice was the personal pizzas at the 4th Avenue Tavern (a damned fine pizza it was). When I moved to Seattle, specifically Capitol Hill, there were four places within my neighborhood that I could get pizza by the slice (there are other places in other neighborhoods, but somehow Capitol Hill had the best).

Rocket Pizza (the best at the time, in my opinion), went out of business about ten years ago (the The Stranger says that it has reopened in Ballard and calls itself Crash Landing Pizza). They were unique in that they had slices of pepperoni, I swear, the size of sliced bologna ,and often they had odd (to me) toppings like asparagus and red potatoes. They would also sell me large balls of uncooked dough for $1.50 each, which I would take home and toss my own pizzas.

Another long gone place was Abruzzi's Pizza, which was torn down around 1992 to make room for a Nike Town. It was one of the last places where you could stand on the sidewalk and watch them hand toss the pizza in the window. I can't remember if the pizza was any good, but the place had atmosphere. It was probably the closest thing we had to Sal's Pizza, the pizzeria in Spike Lee's Do the Right Thing. According to Nancy Leson, the restaurant reviewer for the Seattle Times, the former owners of Abruzzi's have returned after a fifteen year absence to open a new Abruzzi's somewhere in distant South Seattle.

Hot Mama's Pizza, almost literally a hole in the wall, opened up just before I moved out of the neighnorhood. Its pros were that it was right around the corner from my apartment and was open until at least two in the morning, so it was a good place to go after a night of drinking (but so was Dick's and Taco Bell). Its cons was that it was kitty corner from Bill's Off Broadway, which was about 150 feet closer to my apartment and a much better place to eat or get take out (plus if I wrote a check it could take days for them to cash it, so I could often eat up to a week before payday, if I timed it right).

Finally there was/is Pagliacci's Pizza. Pizza-by-the-slice is available on Broadway on Capitol Hill, The Ave in the U-District, lower Queen Anne, Bellevue, and two places on the University of Wshington campus and they deliver to almost everywhere in "Greater Seattle" incliding the Eastside.

Though, I admit there are a couple pizza places I'd rather go for a sit down with a whole pie (sorry Jason), if I want a pizza delivered or just want to get ppizza-by-the-slice, Pagliacci's is the best I have tried. In the nineteen years I have been eating their pizza (I figure I have eaten Pagliacci's pizza either as delivery or by the slice over 300 times and have spent maybe $4,000 over the years) they have always been consistent. In all those times they might have screwed up one pizza, but were quick to rectify the issue.

I've had delivery from Zeek's, Mad Pizza and Amante's but still prefer Pagliacci's.

My two favorite pizza places in Seattle are Pazzo's and The Wallingford Pizza House. Both remind me of Luigi's. The Wallingford Pizza House, besides having an amazing thin crust pizza, they sell a great Chicago-style deep dish pizza (similiar to My Brothers Pizza and the long closed Testa Rosa) and have a unique item called "The Dome." Sort of an inverted pot pie or bottomless calzone. The WPH puts the "toppings" of your choice in a bowl, cover it with a pizza dough and bake it till done. When they serve it they flip it upside down so you can get at the toppings.

I have had pizza-by-the-slice in other neighborhoods, none of which are as good as Pagliacci. Pudge Brothers in Wallingford, Pizza Brava in the University District, and A New York Pizza Place in Maple Leaf all have servicable, but unremarkable slices.

A recent trend in Seattle has been the explosion of "authentic" Neapolitan pizzerias that are sanctioned by the city of Naples, Italy. La Vita E Bella in Belltown is the best of these that I have been. Tutta Bella, in Wallingford and Columbia City are OK, but I find the crust too chewy )ditto the Hi-Life in Ballard. I am still hoping to try Via Tribunali, another "authentic" Neapolitan pizzeria on Capitol Hill. Why can't we get an authentic Sicilian pizzeria?).

I like the pizza at the Garage Pool Hall and Bowling Alley, and the extremely thin-crust pizza at Palomino. Piecora's on Capitol Hill and Pete's Pizza in the U-District were, and may still be good, but I haven't been to either in over 15 years. I actually went to Pete's for the first time in 1982, (Holy Shit! That was 27 years ago!!) when I came to up to Seattle to see The Who play at the King Dome. At Pete's I was introduced to shrimp as a topping (yummy!)

When I lived in Wedgewood, actually closer to Lake City, I'd sometimes order from Romio's, which is more of a Greek-style pizza (there are several locations around the city). It's OK but I usually order their sandwiches, which are really good, because, though I love their toppings, I hate Greek-Style pizza crusts (they tend to be greasier and chewier than Italian-style pizza). I've also eaten t the Greek-style Olympia's Pizza in Wallingford and on Capitol Hill, and Olympic Pizza on Roosevelt. Again, they are allright, but if I go to any of them I'd rather order the pasta.

The Northlake Tavern, located between the U-District and Fremont makes a pretty decent pizza. The crust is just O.K., but if you like toppings they give you a ton.

The only bad pizza I have had since moving to Seattle is Madame K's Pizza, which the critics love but I think is dreadful. The one time I ate there it tasted like crap (the mushrooms were from a can and I think they dumped the can, water and all, on top of the pizza after it came out of the oven). Actually, Jet City Pizza was pretty bad too but I can't remember why (it was delivered, so they either screwed up the order or overcooked the pie).

Other places of note that I have been: Dirty Dave's in Lacey tasted just like Shakey's but was pretty much a biker bar and a good place to be drunk (as long you have a designated driver). Serrano's Pizza in San Francisco's Mission District is very good for a slice or a whole pie, and the Chicago Pizza Pie Factory in both Dublin, Ireland and Paris, France were great when I went there in 1990.

There are still pizza places I want to go, not just in Seattle (too many to mention), but one of these days I would like to go to New York City (Grimaldi's, Lombardi's, Totonno's, and Ray's) and Chicago (Gino's East, Uno Chicago Grill, and Giordano's).

I have eaten so much pizza in my life and must have spent about $10,000 on it and it is only about third or fourth on my list of favorite foods (#1 Steak/Prime Rib/Pork Chops. #2 Sushi, #3 Pizza or Hamburgers).

Crazy Fucking Old People

2009-02-23T18:32:00.000-08:00

I just has a visit from this old man named Jack, who I can't stand because he yells at the nurses and often yells and pounds people's doors in the middle of the night. Tonight he was convinced my roommate, Marlin, whom, when I last checked, is a man, was Jack's wife. He ordered me to keep my hands off her or he'd beat my ass. There have been so many times I wish I could punch the S.O.B. in the face, but I think if I breathed on him he'd fall down dead.

Crazy Old Person Update 1: It is now 2:30 in the morning and for the fourth time tonight Jack has burst uninvited into my room. The crazy old fuck was standing over my bed when I woke up. I had to practically scream at him to get him to leave. Maybe I should ignore it; like I said, he is pretty old. But he is also one mean son of a bitch and he seems to me to be the violent type. I am at least fifty years younger than him and if healthy I think I could take him (though I haven't been in a fight since Junior High). But being as I can't run or walk away, and he can, I am at a distinct disadvantage. I hate to admit it, but Jack scares me and makes me feel unsafe here. I will complain tomorrow, but I will probably be told I should be more understanding if the demented. If that is indeed the answer I get, I may take this to the next level, meaning contacting the State. This wouldn't happen if thi place wasn't so woefully understaffed.

Crazy Old Person Update 2: 5:15 a.m. The fucker did it again. When I yelled at him to "Get the fuck out of my room you demented old bastard!" (I can be a colorful character too!) the nurse on duty said to me "He wanders around at night. What do you want from us? We can't watch him every second." If I get that answer from the head nurse in a few hours I will contact the State. I probably could use some psychological warfare on him, a combination of passive-aggression and could old-fashioned name calling, to point of making him cry (and considering I haven't got any sleep tonight, that sounds like fun) I will avoid taking to him. I don't want to be accused of abusing him.

Final update on this subject today: It is now 10:30 a.m. Tuesday. It had been more than 24 hours since I slept. I complained to the head nurse about Jack and her solution was to move me to another room. I told her that was bullshit (not in those words), that I should not have to accommodate his insanity when I ave been here for a year and a half and Jack has been here for a couple months. I said if it happens again tonight I will contact the State. I'm not kidding around. (And I am really tired).

A blog (and movie) worth your time

2009-02-23T10:06:00.000-08:00

My friend Paul has a blog that reviews books and films most of us have never heard of, but he makes them sound worth seeking out. Lately he has been reviewing classic examples of Film Noir that the Seattle International Film Festival organization has been showing. Unfortunately the most recent, and most interesting sounding, film is not yet available on DVD.

In related news, one of my all time favorite movies, Our Man In Havana, has finally been released on DVD in glorious wide-screen black and white. Like the films Paul had reviewed, it too is a classic, though often overlooked, film noir. It was the last western film shot in Cuba before the embargo. It stars Alec Guinness as James Wormold, a vacuum cleaner salesman struggling to pay his bills and whom dotes on his teenage daughter to the point of going broke fulfilling her every whim. In order to pay for the room and board of a horse she was given by her suitor, the villainous Chief of Police (Ernie Kovacs, in an Oscar worthy, but never nominated performance) Wormold takes a side job as the Cuban section chief for MI-5 (the British version of the CIA).Wormold, not wanting to be an actual spy, starts making up reports to send to England, basing his "operatives" on people he bumps into on the street. Soon, these strangers start to disappear, or worse, are murdered and Wormold must try to fix things and get himself and his daughter out of the country before it's too late. Written by Graham Greene, based on his novel, and directed by Carol Reed (both whom made the classic The Third Man) Our Man In Havana costars Maureen Ohara, Noel Coward, and in another underrated performance, Burl Ives, Our Man in Havana is a movie worth your time.

And the Oscar goes to...

2009-02-23T08:58:00.000-08:00

Last night's Oscars were the first Academy Awards I didn't watch in the past 40+ years. I could have watched it on the HDTV out front with the old folks, but I was not interested. First of all, the only movie nominated this year for anything that I saw was The Dark Knight (and I saw that on DVD). Heath Ledger won, for Best Supporting Actor, as expected, for his portrayal of the Joker, and as I've said before, would he have even been nominated had he not died?). Second of all, Hugh Jackman was the host. Hugh Jackman? Maybe if he had to host the show as Wolverine it would have been worth watching, but outside any of the characters he plays, he does not have much personality or gravitas.

From the reviews I read this morning, the show was the worst produced and executed Oscars ever. Trying to appeal to the youth market by turning the show into American Idol was a bad idea. Say what you want, but the Oscars always had a bit more dignity than the Golden Globes (where often many of the winners had been drinking, since the show has an open bar).

I also think that there are so many award shows now leading up to the Oscars (the Golden Globes, SAG Awards, People's Choice, Blockbuster, BAFTA, the Independent Spirit, MTV Movie Awards etc.) that by the time we get to the Oscars, there is award show fatigue. But even so, the Oscars always stood apart from the other shows. They seemed dignified compared to the other shows, especially wen they had a good host like Johnny Carson or Steve Martin. I use dignified very loosely, because the Oscars always find a way to embarrass themselves, from truly terrible production numbers (such as an interpretive dance company paying tribute to the best song category) or the year that Rob Lowe appeared on stage as some anonymous woman portraying Snow White to do a dance number and present an award (I can't remember if this happened right before or right after Rob Lowe's sex tape).

As I have gotten older, and have seen less of the movies nominated before they appear on DVD or cable, I have found less reason to watch the show. The past couple years I have watched, much like the Super Bowl, for the commericals. But the commercials during the Oscars are never quite as good as the Super Bowl (for one they have a rule against ads for movies, which often are my favorite commercials).

My favorite part of the show has always been the "In Remembrance" section, where tribute is paid to those in Hollywood who died since the last Oscars. But it's only three minutes out of a three hour plus show and really should be half-hour special in itself.

Unless there is a compelling reason to watch next year, like I am passionate about some nominated film, or there is someone intriguing hosting the show, I will once again give the Oscars a pass. As I get older, three hours of my life is not worth wasting.

Happy Birthday Mom

2009-02-22T06:00:00.000-08:00

Had she lived, today my mother would have been 68, which is still younger than most of my fellow residents here at the home. I miss her, but I missed her more when things were going good with me. After I graduated college, not long after her death, my friend Geoff and I traveled around Europe (a long story in itself) and every time I visited a new city in a new country I wanted to write or call her because I got to go to many of the places she dreamed of going to (I regret never getting around to visiting Australia or New Zealand). Even when I moved to Seattle there were times when things were good or even when I had a good meal at a good restaurant that I wanted to share that with my Mom, and when things got bad and sometimes (financially) scary, I missed having my Mom's place to go back to.

My Mom passed away six months before I graduated college. She was two months away from being 49 years old (not five years older than I am now and I am in sorrier shape than she was at her age).

On January 15th, or 16th (I used to remember) I went to my Mom's place to do laundry. I had last seen my Mom on Saturday afternoon, in the parking lot of where she worked. It had only been a couple weeks, if that, since she had visited a hospital in San Francisco to have a then experimental procedure to have one of two aneurysms removed, the second was to be removed a week after I last saw her. She should have been resting. But she was a workaholic and, though I found her job boring, she really enjoyed what she did. (She was a systems analyst for the State of Washington and she wrote the software that made sure everyone got paid on time). Oh, and the last time I saw her, the reason I met her in the parking lot, was because she was outside smoking with a friend. It is surprising that, considering how much she smoked, it wasn't the cause of her illness or death.

That was the last time I saw her. The last time I spoke to her was a few hours later when she called to invite me and my roommates over for dinner (which she had never done before). Unfortunately I told her I couldn't. Our former roommate, "Poff," who graduated the year before (another long and humorous story) was in town that weekend and we had a party planned. I felt guilty, but I was looking forward to the party, and looking forward to getting closer to a girl who would be there (I did, but not as far as I'd like and it's not a very interesting story). Anyway, I blew off my Mom and partied all night (it was one of the best parties we through and of the two and a half years I lived with these guys, we seemed to throw a party almost every night).

So Sunday I recovered and cleaned up the mess from the night before and nursed a hangover by smoking lots of pot all day. Monday I took my laundry to my Mom's. I assumed she would be at work. Her pickup was in the driveway, but lately she had been carpooling so at first I thought nothing of it. I figured she was at work or asleep (it was around eight in the morning).

I was on my second load when all of a sudden I heard a jackhammer outside. Suddenly I had a weird feeling. If my Mom was there, she couldn't possibly sleep through the noise. I headed upstairs with a sick feeling in my stomach. I found my Mom under the covers in her bed. Her body felt cold and hard. I don't know how much time passed, but eventually I called 911, and then my roommates (Paul, Ethan, and Geoff). The medics arrived pretty fast followed by my roommates, and former roommates Poff and Erik. It sounds weird, but we went to Denny's before going back to school. Many friends (special thanks to Dave and Tanya) came over to express condolences and offer their help, and as much as I wanted to break down and cry, I didn't have time because I had a lot of work ahead of me. (I did wind up spending about an hour in my room, listening to Jimi Hendrix's "Hear My Train A Coming," from the Concerts album, over and over again at a high volume, thinking about my Mom, and trying to make myself cry, but I couldn't). When I emerged from my room my head was clearer and I could deal with what lay ahead.

First, I had to get my Mom's (now my) stuff out of her apartment within 48 hours (according to the landlord who was completely unsympathetic. On reflection I should never have called him and just wrte a chek for the rent). I wound up packing as much stuff in storage that I thought I wanted to keep and gave the rest to the Salvation Army. I am sure that I wound up giving away stuff I would have wanted to keep if I had time to examine every little thing.

I was fortunate that my Mom had very good friends from work who arranged a wake that was held at the grange hall at the Thurston County Fairgrounds. When I attended I was amazed to see so many people (at least 50). When they were giving testimonials I had to leave, I just couldn't listen without breaking down. A few days later I was given her ashes, in a maroon plastic box, by the funeral home. Since she was a veteran the cremation was paid for by the Navy, and I got a very large American Flag, that would have gone on her coffin had we had a military funeral.

I took her ashes to a spot in the Skokomish River, near Shelton, where my Mom took me to fish when I was a child, and where a few weeks before her death we had discussed as a final resting place for her). What used to be a heavily wooded area across from a very small church, was now the beginning of a housing development, across the very same church. What used to be a long walk into the woods to get to the river, was now a couple feet from the side of the road (they had rerouted the river for the development). As I tossed her ashes into the river and I learned that human ashes do not resemble fireplace ashes at all. Some of it floats, and some sink to the bottom. I wished I would have taken her ashes to Potlach, where she used to take me to get rock clams and oysters. The ashes would have blended better. I wound up fling the box far out into the middle of the river. (I know it was littering, but what do you do with a plastic box that contained someones ashes?)

It wasn't until about seven years later, when I was having a breakdown over being dumped by someone when the feelings around the death of my Mom finally got to me. I cried over it for a few days. Then just got mad at my friend who dumped me and got on with my life.

I miss my Mom. Though, while growing up, particularly as a teen, I don't think we connected very well. She didn't raise a finger to stop me from dropping out of high school and let me mooch off her until I was 24. But I also remember that when I was much younger, she was there for my Little League games, keeping score for my team, and helped me get my Tiger, Wolf, and Bear badges in the Cub Scouts (I eventually became a Webelo but when my parents divorced and we moved I didn't join a new den).

I often wonder, had my Mom lived, how my life would have been different. I had intended to apply to graduate school, and I did, to one (University of British Columbia) but my heart wasn't as into it as it would have been had she lived. I would have applied to more places in hopes of being accepted. I wanted to make her proud. But instead I lived off her retirement and insurance for two years, acting the part of an "Independent Filmmaker" and sitting on my ass until the money ran out, discovering too late I didn't have much in the way of marketable skills (the only jobs I had had in the past is deliver pizzas and perform work study for the library at The Evergreen State College (and to my disappointment found hat I would need a Master's in Library Science to get a job at the public library).

Anyway, today would have been my Mother's birthday. Happy Birthday, Mom.

In Search of Bagel Dogs

2009-02-21T21:23:00.000-08:00

There is a small grocery store near the UW, (for those that know the area, next to the college in and Cafe Allegro) that used to sell Dr. Stein's Bagle Dogs (particulrly the Jumbo Smoky Polish Dog). I used to eat them whenever I could, often one for breakfast and one for lunch. The picture aabove is pretty representative of what the look like. I would hold the dog in one hand and a squeeze bottle of French's mustard in the other, setting the mustard down long enough to take a swig of milk, sweet iced tea, or Dr. Pepper. But one time I went to the store to buy one, not only did they get rid of the Bagel Dogs, they got rid of all frozen and refridgerated food to make way for more beer and potato chips. I have tried contacting the source, but they don't answer their emails. If anyone runs across some at a store, please let me know. and we will figure out a way to get them to me. I want to buy a few cases and I am in desperate need of protein that is easily microwaved.

I'm In The Money (Sort Of)

2009-02-20T16:24:00.000-08:00

I found out today that income tax returns and stimulus checks are exempt from participation fees so I don't have to hand it over to Park Ridge (no such luck regarding retirement). I am going to get $930 back, and though I am tempted to buy an HDTV, I will instead pay a few small bills then save the rest for food. Lord knows how long I will be here, but at least, if I am careful, I can eat reasonably well for a couple more months. I plan on going out for one decadent meal (not as expensive as the Met, but I would like to get a fat steak somewhere).

I'm Free (at least part of me is)

2009-02-19T21:44:00.000-08:00

I saw my infectious disease doctor today, a very nice man by the way...I should ask him if he can prescribe pot for me) and he took the IV line out of my arm. Yay! No more IVs! No more antibiotics (except for one pill). Now to concentrate on getting in and out of my chair then find a way out of this place. I found out that using my retirement to get and furnish an apartment won't risk my Medicaid. I just need to know that it won't effect my disability check. I am also waiting t find out if I can take my Income Tax and spend it however I want (I want an HDTV) rather than hand it over to the home.

The Kid Is Back

2009-02-19T11:49:00.000-08:00

It is official, Ken Griffey Jr. signed with the Mariners this morning. I celebrated this event by signing him to my Fantasy Baseball team which was already loaded with Mariners, including Ichiro, Jose Lopez, Felix Hernandez, Brandon Morrow, and Geoff Clement. I also have former Mariners J.J. Putz, Gil Meche, and Raul Ibanez. And my team (The Evergreen Stoners) also has Vladimir Guerrero, Miguel Tejada, Hideki Matsui, Kazuo Matsui, Carlos Pena, Josh Beckett, and two pitchers I haven't heard of but their numbers are good. This, by the way, was an almost random draft (I just put Ichiro and Felix at the tops of my list prior to the draft, but other than that it was totally random). I almost tried going for an all Japanese team, but I would be downgrading some of the positions just for the novelty.

The last time I played Fantasy Baseball was 20 years ago and I won the pennant. I played Fantasy Football this last season with people from the Stranger and had I not missed three consecutive weekends in the hospital I could have easily won. I have the advantage of having nothing better to do than check injury reports and statistics. I probably shouldn't have so many Mariners on my team and I probably shouldn't have cut someone to make room for Griffey, but I do have some home town loyalty.

With Griffey coming back I believe more people will go to games this year than would have gone had he not signed. Granted it will be for the novelty or nostalgia. With today's economy it is difficult for me to justify spending a lot of money to see a team that has a better than 50% chance of losing the game, no matter how much I like Safeco Field. I say I will go to a game, but I think I have to leave this dump first because the "cheap seats" are now almost $30, and infield seats are up to $75 (double the price of what they were when I last went to a game in 2003). I will try to see a game early in the season before he does something to hurt himself. I don't see him playing in the outfield as much as him being the DH, so I have a little more faith in him (and his surgically repaired knee).

UPDATE: According to the P-I, the Mariners have already sold 16,000 additional individual tickets since the news broke and the official clothing company that makes jerseys has been working through the night to have official Ken Griffey, Jr. jerseys on the shelves by this morning. (I know I want one).

No Respect

2009-02-18T15:49:00.000-08:00

I had to see a counselor today because I said the word "fuck" today. I could have said a lot more. Once again I got screwed out of something I own and can't afford to replace. First someone breaks my XBOX360 while I am almost dying in the hospital (and since there were no witnesses the home refuses to take responsibility). Last week a nursing assistant absent mindlessly knocked my travel mug off a table, breaking it, rendering it useless except to use as a dribble glass. Now someone decided to take my jacket to the laundry without asking me, and without emptying the pockets, so now I have lost my pocket watch, pocket knife, and the key to my drawer with my valuables. The laundry says they don't have them. Did the nursing assistant steal them? I would hope not, but I am sick of the total lack of regard for patients personal property. I can't afford to replace these items. This "fucking" place only leaves me $17 a month of my disability check (not the $57 they are supposed to, like $57 isn't insulting enough).

I have told them in therapy they better have me ready to leave this dump by June 1st or I am going to lose it.

UPDATE: The laundry found my watch and knife and they say they will replace my coffee mug. They still won't replace the XBOX360.

Semi Day Off From Posting

2009-02-17T22:50:00.000-08:00

Yesterday's post was so long I have next to nothing to say today. For the past 24 hours I had my legs wrapped to reduce the swelling and it seems to be working. It would be nice if the swelling disappeared.

An open letter to Sara E and Other Old Friends: the Story So Far

2009-02-16T19:04:00.000-08:00

(An old friend from college (The Evergreen State College 1990), Sara E., wrote to my Facebook page, but due to the ridiculous security here at the home, I was unable to write her back. She says that she reads the blog, so if you will indulge me, I am going to take this opportunity to write her back and bring her up to speed on how I came to be in this home).

Hi Sara,

Please say Hi to Rolf. I used to run into Marc once and awhile but we lost touch. some time ago . It's too bad because he was a real nice guy. I haven't seen Dave since he moved to L.A. about 12 years ago. Through the alumni newsletter I heard he worked on Sphere and he has an impressive list of credits at the Imdb doing technical work but I haven't heard of him since. I had an address for him for a long time and wanted to write him, but so much happened so fast with me and my situation kept changing and not much of it was good, so I didn't feel like writing just to tell him how much my life was sucking. We stopped hanging out because at the the time neither one of us was having much luck in life and we were just bringing each other further down. Still, I do miss him. No one laughed like him. I see he does have a Facebook account if you are interested. When I get to a Wi-Fi spot that allows me access I'll try to contact him through Facebook. I see Chris Lucas has a page too and it's been at least ten years since I exchanged email, when he and Julie had their first baby. In the past 19 years I have been to a few weddings and have seen several of my friends have kids. I envy them, but I wouldn't wish the burden of me off on anybody.

You are welcome to pass my information on to Meghan and Jenn but I would be surprised if either wanted to get in touch with me. From what Dave said neither one of them liked me that much and Meghan pretty much told him I was a loser. I wish I could have proved that her perception was wrong. It's funny that Jenn is working as a librarian because I have thought about getting my Master's in Library Science. My goal would be to be an archivist, either for a record or movie company. I need to see if there is anyway I can get financial assistance since I am now disabled.

For the first two years out of college I lived on the insurance from my Mother's death and acted the part of an independent filmmaker. I spent $50,000 making a 15 minute film that I could make today with my camcorder and computer for free. Watching the film makes me cringe a bit, but it is usually well received and was good enough to get me a couple local jobs (Associate Producer for a short that was shown at the 1992 New York and Berlin Film Festivals, and a couple local music videos, one for a major label).

I learned three things during this time, a) don't spend your own money making a movie. b) never pay your friends to work for you (no matter what you pay them they still work on "friend time" and when the money runs out they bail on you), and c) I am not a schmoozer. I don't have a head for business or self promotion and without those skills I couldn't get anywhere in the film business. Plus, I was unwilling to move to Los Angeles at the time. I've often fantasized that had I moved to L. A. when I had the chance, and the type of people and scene I would have gravitated towards, maybe I would have became part of the group that created Mr. Show. If I had to do it over again, I would have concentrated on writing and tried my hand at writing sitcoms and/or sketch comedy.

Anyway when my money ran out I had to go to work, so after a series of health endangering and emotionally depleting customer service jobs for companies such as Ticketmaster, Eddie Bauer, & Microsoft, and a couple stints working for small businesses run by less than scrupulous businessmen, and a couple long-term temp jobsm I finally wised up and started working at the University of Washington. The first eight years I was on loan to the assistant editor to Reviews of Modern Physics, a quarterly physics journal. My boss Karie was a most fantastic and generous boss and I was given a lot of responsibility. For eight years it was pretty much just the two of us. The Physics department was not the friendliest place to work and they didn't do much socializing, In 2006 both Karie and the Editor retired and so I moved from Physics over to the front office of the Chemistry department. Whereas my time in physics was mostly a solitary experience, at Chemistry I made a lot of friends. But my boss the first year I was in chemistry was high strung and kind of nuts, but she was eventually replaced with my boss Nancy, who was also very nice and understanding regarding my health (even though she no longer works at the UW, she still keeps in touch with me). The boss I had between her and Karie, Shannon, actually gave me my one and only "Unacceptable" service review because she penalized me for the time I missed from work while recovering from my kidney transplant. Even if Igot healthy enough to go back to work I would not go back to Chemistry because the person who would be my new boss, Kim, was Shannon's protoge and equally as high strung.

Anyway, that's what I was doing for the past 19 years, but I should back up and tell you about how I eventually wound up in this God forsaken nursing home at the age of 44 (now 45).

In 2000 I had what I thought was back pain. Coincidentally I had a doctors appointment the next day, and as soon as my blood pressure was taken I was immediatley checked into the hospital. My blood pressure was through the roof and my back ache turned out to be an angina. I had an angioplasty and at that time the doctors discovered that my kidneys were shot and that I was eventually going to need a transplant. I wound up on dialysis four hours day, three times a week, on top of working 40 hours a week). During this time I also had a few other heart problems, including a second angioplasty.

I finally got a transplant the summer of 2006. Things seemed to finally get back to normal, I returned to work after just a couple weeks of recovery, but by the next summer my kidney was failing. Despite having insurance, I could not afford the anti-rejection medication needed to maintain my new kidney (even with insurance it was $1,000 a week). I went into the hospital and they were able save my kidney, but I wound up with this disease called calciphylaxis, which you can read about here. (They also gave me MERSA and Ecoli, but whatever). The amount of time I was stuck in bed caused my muscles to atrophy and ever since I have been stuck in a wheelchair and in this nursing home, trying to learn to walk again. Every time I have come close to being well enough or independent enough to leave, something happens to knock me back to square one. Back in October I had a full blown heart attack and had double bypass surgery. I worked my way back up to the level of fitness I was before, then over Christmas I wound up getting double pneumonia, sepsis, and a pulmonary bacteria infection. I found out later I almost died. Considering the hallucinations I was having the first three days in the hospital, at the time, I was begging them to put me out of my misery, but by day four I ws thinking more clearly, and by day six I was eager to get the hell out of there. Despite the fact I was only in the hospital for six days, this last illness took so much out of me that now, two months later, I still haven't fully recovered and am not independent enough to leave.

So here I lay. While recovering in the hospital this last time I was officially "retired "from the UW. (I say retired because I have the option of taking my retirement out in monthly payments, but 10 years of service does not garner any benefits. It was my intention of working there until I was 67).

I haven't taken my retirement money out yet because the nursing home will pounce on it. They take every cent I have, no matter how much it is. If I make $1,700 (which I do) they take all but $50. If I got and additional $600 a month, they would raise my "participation fee" and take that too. Also, if I ws to get more than $2,000 a month I would automatically lose Medicaid, which is all the health insurance I have at the moment. When I get better, I can reapply to work for the UW within the next two years and keep my seniority (but there might not be any job openings if the economy is still bad when I am better). It would be nice if I can find something with health insurance, but I would also like to spend some time going to school, possibly retraining for a different job.

I am now faced with the prospect of trying to find a place to live on my $1,700 disability check (Seattle rents average more than $1,000 a month). On top of that it has to be wheelchair accessible. When I am about to get out of here I will have to take my retirement out so I can afford deposits and such. I'll also have to spend it immediately and reapply for Medicaid because you are not allowed to have more than $2,000 a month saving and be on Medicaid. Ideally I can go back to the UW, even pasrt time, and get my medical insurance baxk (or Obama will do something in thr nrxt couple years to fix the system).

The worst part about living in this nursing home, where I have now been for 15 months, is all the demented old people. It is next to impossible to sleep when every few seconds one of the "zombies" starts yelling "Help!" Often, when you ask them why they are yelling "Help", they respond that they want a Kleenex, or something else trivial. The nurses have learned to tune out their cries. God help them if they ever really need help. It is probably why it took someone a half hour to answer my alarm when I was having my heart attack.

Anyway, it is great to hear from you Sara. It sounds like you've had some great adventures these past (Wow, almost 20 years!). Hopefully I will be back on my feet, or at least out of this place soon, and re-acess what I can do with the rest of my life. 45 years old "should be" a long way from being old and I hope that I can finally do something that leaves a mark on the world. This blog, may someday be just a way of keeping notes for an eventual book on what life in a nursing home is like (if people still read books in the future).

One of my best friends lives in Santa Monica and someday I hope to come visit her. If I do I hope to see you too.

Peace,
Larry

Sunday, another slow day

2009-02-15T18:19:00.000-08:00

As slow as this day seems to have gone, I wish I had another day off. But the home isn't run like the State. We don't get President's Day off. I have been feeling pretty sick and tired this weekend and eating makes me feel even worse.

Happy Valentines Day

2009-02-14T22:11:00.000-08:00

It was a pretty slow day. I had coffee with Paul and then sat around and watched TV. Other than that, there is nothing to report. No therapy. No cooking. No nothing. Last night I finally blew up at Marlin because he said something snippy to me, so I unloaded on him about everything about him that I find annoying. The good thing about his Alzheimers is today he doesn't remember me doing it.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, Lord, save me from these crazy old people!

Today was Valentine's Day. It has now been 45 consecutive years without a girlfriend on Valentines Day. Hell, except for the few weeks before and after the Los Angeles riots, it has been 45 years without a girlfriend period.

Something going around

2009-02-13T19:11:00.000-08:00

I must of sneezed a couple dozen times and now I have a sore throat. There is always some virus or bug that circulates in a nursing home. I remember this time last year a real bad flu swept through the home and lasted a couple of months. I was one of the last people to get it and it was pretty nasty. This doesn't feel that bad, I could just be run down. I have felt mentally, emotionally, and physically drained all week. I had about forty minutes of therapy today and my heart wasn't in it. I wound up going to bed at 3 p.m. and woke up around 6 p.m. There was no reason I needed to stay up. There was no activity to keep me occupied (I wish my XBOX360 still worked). My dumb-ass roommate Marlin spends 20 hours a day in bed, only getting up for meals. A few minutes ago they had to practically drag him to the shower (considering he pisses all over himself a couple times a day, I am happy they did it). If he were not my roommate it would be easier to feel sympathy for him. He used to be a long haul truck driver, and now he barely has a working brain. As his roommate I am having to constantly yell at him to close the bathroom door, or, when he his finished, shut the light off so the neighbors, whom he shares the bathroom with, no he is out and that they can use the restroom. He also leaves his wheelchair in front of the door, blocking the exit, and a couple days ago I found him going through my stuff. (He also often walks around naked from the waist down except the black tube socks that seem to never leave his feet).

I made Tuna Casserole today. It was OK, but as exciting as it sounds.

Paul is visiting tomorrow so I have that to look forward to.

Finally a shout out to Nokenikus in Argentina who left a comment for me and asked that I link to his site.

So I Missed A Day

2009-02-12T18:34:00.000-08:00

I intended posting something yesterday. It was a fairly unexciting day except that I made Macaroni & Cheese with Spam (I forgot how greasy it gets when it gets reheated). It was delicious though I have been queasy all day because I ate too much; so much that when I lied down last night I pretty much passed out (around 7 p.m.) and woke up around 2 a.m.

Other than going to the library to pick up some CDs on hold and watching a dog fashion show (this has probably been the high point of what passes as entertainment around here) nothing much happened except therapy, which has been cut back to even less time. I appreciate the time they can give me, but I feel discouraged that I am going to get any better while I am here. All I can hope is that I can soon get in and out of bed by myself. I have no doubt that sometime in the next year I will wind up in the hospital for some reason and once again find myself at square one, but I'm not going to worry about that now.

Tomorrow I may make tuna casserole (I am a bit sick of Mac & Cheese).

It's the cheesiest

2009-02-10T20:47:00.000-08:00

As part of Occupational Therapy I used a hot plate to boil noodles for some Kraft Macaroni & Cheese. It was perfect. It had been probably sixteen months since I'd made it and i was afraid the noodles would be under or overcooked, but they turned out just right. While at QFC, I also got the ingredients for Macaroni & Cheese & Spam, and Tuna casserole, and wound up getting a big glass bowl and lid at Goodwill so I could cook them in the microwave, but I didn't want to tie up the therapy office's microwave for 30 minutes. I am going to try to get the kitchen to cook my noodles then do the nuking when no one needs the oven.

The only other thing of note today was that it snowed pretty hard this morning but it didn't stick. I was stuck out in it for a little bit and I hope I didn't catch a cold.

Another Day Wasted

2009-02-09T19:29:00.000-08:00

I spent all day at Virginia Mason having doctors appointments. Four in total. All of them lasted five minutes each, just long enough for each doctor to tell me I am doing fine. Still, my ride was over two hours late picking me up. The ride home was a bit of an adventure because it started hailing all of a sudden and it was hard seeing out the window. The ride home took twice as long. I am glad to be bed, but I can't seem to warm up.

While I was in one of the waiting rooms I perused Seattle Magazine. Back in the 1960s there was an excellent magazine of the same name that had great articles written by people such as Tom Robbins. The new magazine is geared towards people in town that make six figures minimum. One of the adds that caught my eye was for a high rise that advertised a suite (actually an entire floor) for $5 million. I can't imagine having so much money to spend that much money on an apartment, no matter ho nice it is. Maybe if I was an ultra-wealthy shut-in like Howard Hughes.

Occupational therapy is going to let me use the burner (hot plate) to cook something so I am debating between Kraft Mac & Cheese or real Mac & Cheese with Spam.

Forty Five Minutes to Cook a Hot Dog?

2009-02-08T19:24:00.000-08:00

Today was almost as nice as yesterday. After getting up at ten I had some coffee (I think I am using to much grounds) watched some golf on the HDTV in the lobby. The crazies around here were getting on my last nerve and there seemed to be no place to escape. I went to QFC and browsed until I bought some half & half and air freshener, then a little later went to the Pinehurst Pub, this time for the pork chop (the first one I have had in roughly 20 months (fuck I have been here a long time). It was very tasty, though I wished I had two of them. There sure were a lot of people drinking beer at 11:00 a.m.

When I got back to the home I kept trying to find a quiet space to think, read, or whatever. My room was uninviting because my roommate, Marlin, was laying on top of his sheets, snoring away, wearing nothing but a diaper, a t-shirt, and black socks.

I wound up going up to the Crest Movie Theater (which I hadn't been to since Resevoir Dogs came out) and saw a movie (the first movie I've seen in a theater since Grindhouse). I saw the James Bond movie A Quantum of Solace. As an action film it is top notch, but the scenes between the action didn't seem to advance the story that much. 007 Nerds, like me, know that the evil organization that Bond is up against is SPECTRE and the top man is Ernst Stavro Blofeld, but none of this information was revealed in the movie. I didn't wait to see if, at the end of the credits, we get the usual "James Bond Will Return..." (The IMdb does not list an upcoming Bond film). I will probably get the DVD when it shows up used or real cheap and watch it again.

Prior to going to th Crest I stopped in to 7-Eleven to get a quarter-pound Big Bite (hot dog) but the guy said he just put them on and it takes 45 minutes to cook them to temperature. 45 minutes! A casserole takes 45 minutes. a hot dog should take next to nothing.

Anyway, the movie was OK but I was very dissapointed that the theater did not have a ramp for wheelchairs. I wound up sitting next to the last row. And then later I found out the bus runs every hour on Sundays, so I wheeled myself home in 40° weather and was freezing by the time I got back.

Right now I am feeling a bit sick to my stomach from popcorn and coffee.

A good day

2009-02-07T21:16:00.000-08:00

Today was a pretty good day, even though they didn't get me out of bed until eleven. Still, it wound up being nicer than expected. I didn't have any blood draws, IVs, or therapy sessions, so I had the whole day to do what I wanted. I started the day doing crossword puzzles and searching random topics on the net (patron saints, state birds, the Zodiac killer, etc.) and randomly entering names of friends and family members to see what internet presence they have. Some of my friends, as extraordinary people that they are, have extremely pedestrian names (i.e. Julie Wilson, a friend I haven't seen in five years). I have an Aunt that I periodically look for, Jackie Holybee, whom I haven't seen in 19 years, she may have gotten married and changed her name, but she doesn't show up. I have much better luck when person's first or last name is not so common. I typed in the names of some friends with more unique sounding names, and found a couple of them, though the trails were a bit cold. I did find one former friend, someone I haven't spoken to in a dozen years or so, and whom I knew was a somewhat successful writer in the Bay Area. I found out she got married six months ago (her wedding photos were on Flickr). She looked pretty much the same, though somehow taller. I looked through the pictures to see if I recognized anyone besides the bride, (specifically the aforementioned Julie Wilson) but didn't see any familiar faces.

After watching the latest episode of The Closer (which I missed on Monday because it was up against a new episode of Heroes) I headed out to the library. While waiting for the bus a hearse and funeral procession (I hoped this wasn't supposed to be an omen). There were a lot of cars in the procession, My first reaction was "This guy has a lot of friends." Then I noticed almost all the cars had only one person in them. Doesn't anyone carpool in this town? I hope when I go my friends will carpool. It should only take three cars, tops.

I caught the bus up to the library to pick up some stuff on hold and then after some debate (becuse my battery on my chair was near empty) I decided to go to the Pinehurst Pub for lunch. On the bus I met an interesting guy. I don't usually talk to people on the bus. I tend to mind my own business. But he was engaging and we had mutual interests. He gave me his email address, and I sent him one when I had the opportunity.

At the pub I was happy to see NY Steak on the specials board had one medium rare steak with fries (the picture above is a representation of what I had. The steak looks identical, but there was no Bearnaise sauce and their were a lot of crinkle-cut fries). It was heaven, I was tempted to order another one because I ate the first one so fast (the steaks I buy for myself at Whole Foods tend to be three times as thick with just a bit of fat on it. (I am tempted to go back tomorrow to see if it is one the menu again...they also had a porkchop on the menu, but I would want at least two). I later picked up a small My Brother's Pizza from QFC and had the kitchen cook it up for me (they did a pretty decent job cooking it). Half of it is in the refrigerator.

I hope tomorrow is as nice as it was today.

Blah

2009-02-06T20:53:00.000-08:00

This has just been a blah day. After several days of sunny weather, Seattle once again turned gray and wet. It didn't rain that hard, just enough to be annoying if you went outside.

Today is the last day of the 100 days that Medicare A picked up my stay here so it's back to handing over all of my disability to the home. They will also be cutting back my therapy back by 25%. (This is on top of the fact that they already took my restorative therapy away). I am beginning to think I should give up on the goal of walking and just concentrating on getting just independent enough to get out of here.

Michael Phelps has nothing to apologize for

2009-02-05T19:38:00.000-08:00

I wish Michael Phelps hadn't apologized for being photographed smoking weed from a bong. I understand that he doesn't make his money from swimming, but from advertising, and had to appease his advertisers to keep the money rolling in. Still, at the moment, he still has some cache and instead of saying he was wrong an pulling out the old "youthful indiscretion" cliche, I wished he would have said that what he did out of the public eye is no one's business. That his "friend" taking the picture and selling it to the media is a dick. That he is sorry that he broke the law, but is more sorry that the law exists in the first place.

Marijuana is a perfectly safe "relaxant" and much less harmful than alcohol. Again and Again, studies from institutions ranging from universities to the government itself has said that marijuana is: less harmful to the mind and body than alcohol, nicotine, or caffeine and could not find a single person physically addicted. Unlike alcohol, Marijuana does not make people violent. The cases where Marijuana has been used by people, often gang members, in the commitment of murder, there were many other factors involved, such as a predilection of violence, use of alcohol, and use of "heavy drugs" such as PCP or cocaine. I have never read a story where a pothead has robbed someone, burglarized a home, or gone into prostitution to support their weed addiction.

They say pot is a "gateway drug." If that is true we need to ban anything that chemically alters the brain which might chemically the brain. Besides the aforementioned alcohol, tobacco, and coffee, we would need to add to the list: chocolate, sugar, great tasting food in general, art (including music, TV and Movies), love and orgasms. And don't forget spinning around in a circle. How many of us kids used to spend a Spring day, spinning around in a circle until we couldn't stand anymore, staring at the blue sky and white clouds as they teetered back and forth. It's a slippery slope from spinning in circles to laying in an alley with your pants down and a needle in your arm.

I admit that, in my 45 years, I have done more than just smoke pot. I will have an occasional cocktail, but, and my friends might be able to back me up, I don't think I have ever finished a bottle or glass of beer. I've never really liked the taste of booze. I can drink the sweet stuff like Amaretto, White Russians, or Piña Coladas or something similarly sweet and creamy. But even if I have one drink I will regret it the next day. I can get a hangover after half a beer. It's too bad. in a way. I like the culture. I love the smell of breweries and the idea of experimenting with a home brew kit sounds fun, but then I wouldn't know if it tastes any good. I like the idea of wine. I like looking at the labels. The red liquid in a clean clear glass is very pretty. But I am not a fan when it comes to drinking it. I have had an $80 bottle of wine and a $7 bottle and if I took a taste test, I couldn't say which is which (not true with champagne though, you really do get what you pay for).

In the early mid-nineties I hung with a crowd (most of which are still close friends) and we went through the whole dress up wine and cocktail parties. I myself went out and bought a bunch of acutrumant, an ice bucket, shaker, many martini glasses (almost of all of which were broken over time). These parties were fun, but they were a lot more fun when I switched to drinking a sift drink and taking a pipe hit. I would say that 90% of the crowd I hung out with smoked weed. And we all had good jobs and arrived on work on time and did our jobs well.

Though I had been offered weed when I was in the sixth grade, I didn't smoke weed until 1982, when I was 18. I was without a car at the time and really wanted to see the Who at the King Dome (Seattle) so I bought two tickets and gave one of them to an older guy in class who had a car. We had a great time. It was my first trip to Seattle without a parent (probably the third time I'd been ever) and we went to all theses cool places. We went to Peaches Records (now Petco or Petsmart) and Cellophane Square (when it was big and full of vinyl, CDs were several years away). We went to Goldie's in Wallingford. My friend, Jim, parked me in front of a Dig Dug machine while he went and got us a pitcher. Then we went to a pizza place around 50th & Roosevelt (there have been many pizza places in that same spot since then) and I had shrimp on a pizza for the first time. Later we headed off for the King Dome and I smoked pot for the first time. I didn't think it ad any effect at the time. From the movies I was expecting a lot of weirdness, but at most I had a pleasant buzz. We missed the Clash but managed to see the Who and the show was so loud that I missed the next two weeks of school because that's how long it took for my ears to stop ringing.

I didn't smoke pot again, or at least I didn't have the opportunity to, until I went to college full time in 1987 (age 23). Ever since I have smoked it when it was available. There were times where weed was everywhere and easy to find. If I didn't know "the guy" I knew a guy who knew "the guy." But there have been dry spells where I just can't find it and I don't want to go put in the street and try to score off some stranger. I have either lost contact with the guys who dealt, or the friends I had who knew people now have families and weed and babies don't mix. Except for two instances where I was gifted with a little weed in the past several months, it really has been a few years since I have been able to smoke regularly.

For me, weed is a useful tool. It enhances my appetite, which has been greatly diminished since I got sick. Music sounds better. TV or Videos are more interesting, and, though it has been years, orgasms have been greater. It helps fight the boredom, which right now is the state of my life. It is also the best pin killer I know.

Since my illness I have been given a wide variety of pain killers. Morphine, Oxycodone, Oxycontin, Percocet, Codeine, Fentanyl, Vicodin, and finally Dilaudid. Fentanyl is a great anti-anxiety drug if administered intravenously, but orally, like almost all of the above, have little to know effect on me. I am not constantly in pain, but when my feet or my wounds are touched it hurts like hell. None of these drugs do anything to my mind and I have no desire to use them recreationaly.

Besides Marijuana I have experimented with a few other drugs, but Marijuana was not the gateway, because I always intended on trying these drugs if I had the opportunity.

In college, and once after, I did LSD a couple times. I also have done mushrooms about three or four times. These are true hallucinogens and the effects are what, as a kid, I thought Marijuana would be like. (Sometime when I am really at a loss for something to post I will write about my various "trips"). I also took Ecstasy a couple times in the early 90s. The first time I enjoyed it and the second time I didn't. The biggest reason I probably won't try LSD, Mushrooms, or Ecstasy again is because they are so time consuming. One of my LSD trips lasted nearly 24 hours, and the shortest trip on mushrooms was about eight hours.

I did experiment with nitrous oxide by sucking the gas out of Redi-Whip cans, then I bought whip cream maker and bought the chargers at one of the cooking stores. One time I thought I probably over did it, consuming 40 charges in the space of an hour, but I was probably exposed to more gas when I had my wisdom teeth out.

I have never had any desire to try cocaine, crack, heroin, or crystal meth because, as a rider of mass transit, I have seen the effects these drugs have on people. I admit there was a time where I would have tried cocaine if I had the guarantee that it would be accompanied by sex with a beautiful woman, but that opportunity never presented itself.

I had a roommate who said that if she were ever to have an incurable disease, or got really old, she would start smoking Opium. Since I do have an incurable disease I confess this is something I might be interested in. I did once have poppy seed tea, which was very relaxing, and if Opium was anything like that, I'd do it. But I bet Opium is even harder than finding weed (oh, and I did hash once to, but all hash is is the resin that drips from the Marijuana plant. Marginally more powerful than he plant itself).

Considering that every year there is a study that shows that more than 50% of high school students have smoked pot, at some point in the future, more than half the country will have tried pot and know the truth about pot.

If I had kids I would not recommend that they experiment with pot, but if they did I would hope they would, like I did, wait until they were adults and then be honest with me about it. But I am not going to be having any kids, so it's not something I have to worry about. But I will be extremely discreet around the children of my friends (though they are currently toddlers).

But even being around my friends kids is not much of an issue since none of them have wheelchair accessible houses and if I was a kid the last place I would want to be is a stinky nursing home with crazy old people. I sure as hell don't want to be here. I want out. And if I can't get out, I want to be high (if anyone reading this knows how I can score or gifted with some herb, leave me a comment).

Health in general 2

2009-02-04T19:41:00.000-08:00

I am feeling stronger, at least laying in bed I seem to be able to move my legs some. Today I stood up for nearly twenty minutes in the standing frame. I should be off the antibiotics in a couple days then next Monday I see four doctors in one day.

A good cup of coffee and crime in the streets

2009-02-04T19:17:00.000-08:00

I used the aforementioned French Press this morning with some Organic Shade-Grown Fair Trade Cafe Appassionato Tempest blend and it was the best cup of coffee I have had in 15 months. I wish I would have bought the standard sized press because the 4 cup version only fills my travel mug once (and that's when you add an unhealthy amount of cream).

Over my cup of coffee I checked out the Slog and there seems to be a lot of violent crime in Seattle over the past 24 hours.

Fuck Republicans. All of them.

2009-02-04T17:38:00.000-08:00

The Obama administration is barely two weeks old and the Republicans themselves act like they won a mandate from the people to oppose Obama at every turn, rather than the mandate for Obama and for change that is reality.

Since his inauguration, Obama has bent over backwards to appease Republicans, even to the point of weakening the stimulus package and back peddling on Gay Rights. It has been just two weeks, so I will keep "hoping" that Obama will make this a better stronger country, but I wish he would somewhat ignore the Republicans, at least on the stuff he promised to those of us who voted for him, and keep his promises.

And I don't understand all this crap about Tom Daschle. If this was a Bush appointee, he'd have already been sworn in and be picking out new furniture. Daschle screwed up his taxes, like 50% or more of Americans, and did not know that he needed to declare a borrowed car as income. I wouldn't have known to declare it. Do I have to declare every lunch or coffee treated by a friend as income?

And now Cheney is going around saying that we will suffer a catastrophic terrorist attack because Obama is president. Considering Cheney's contacts with other evil people like him (he probably knows Osama Bin Laden personally, which is why he isn't dead), he could arrange for something to happen.

Ho Hum

2009-02-03T19:46:00.000-08:00

Other than standing twice, for ten minutes each, in the standing frame, I can't think of anything particularly interesting today. I woke up this morning and it was freezing cold. Someone had turned all the thermostats off. The heat is working now but I still feel cold.

Today I spent almost all the money left on the final Starbuck's card. I think I have enough for a Shaken Black iced tea. Yesterday I picked up a 4 cup French Press, a pound of Cafe Appasionatto Coffee (Organic Tempest blend), some organic sugar, Half & Half, and some vanilla syrup, so I will start doing my own coffee tomorrow.

A reduction in therapy

2009-02-02T19:09:00.000-08:00

The powers that be have canceled my restorative therapy since I am already getting physical and occupational therapy. This means no more talks with Lamin. It has done nothing for my mood.

Haven't received a bill from the home yet and I've already spent more than my $57.50 monthly allowance on groceries. Oh well.

Superbowl Sunday

2009-02-01T20:14:00.000-08:00

Considering I didn't care who won the game, thus year's Superbowl was pretty exciting. It came down to the last 30 seconds with Arizona having a chance ro score a touchdown to win, only to have Kurt Warner fumble to let the Steelers win.

I think I was the only one actually watching the game despite the fact the CNA's kept wheeling in old people who never speak in front of the TV. The senile were in top form with their screaming today. I seriously thought about going to a bar or somewhere to hang out all daym but once again I had to be around for three antibiotic IVs.

Someone lost my page in the restorative book so I haven't had any therapy for a few days and already feel my muscles tighten up. There is only so much I can do on my own.

My 45th Birthday Part Two:

2009-01-31T19:50:00.000-08:00

It was a very good day. Very sunny and mild. A bus driver told me his backyard is full of robins and he has seen may blue herons, indicating (to him) that we can expect an early mild Spring. Let's hope so.

Todd called early to let me know he wasn't able to make it, and Ethan & Maria couldn't make it down from B.C. Nancy tried to come and drove around Eastlake for awhile, but I didn't give a good enough description of the place and forgot to tell her I no longer have a cell phone. And Poff drank too much last night so he couldn't make it off the couch.

Still, I had a good time with Paul and Inma, Geoff and Bridget. and Erik and his six month old son Neil (the most well behaved and happy baby in all the land).

As usual the pizza at Pazzo's was excellent. I had my usual and I have about three quarters of the pie left.

Erik gave me a Starbucks gift card (Starbucks might be laying off workers but no thanks to the generosity of my friends). Geoff and Bridget gave me an intriguing CD and book (which is across the room, as I lie in bed, so I can't name them at the moment).

(Click on any picture to enlarge)

Pazzo's after dark.

My pizza (Canadian Bacon, Pepperoni, Sausage, pineapple, and mushrooms.

Paul & Inma's pizza (I think Artichoke hearts and basil).

Geoff & Bridget's pizza (Sauce-less with herbs).

Erik's Calzone (very meaty).

Geoff & Bridget

Paul & Inma

Erik & Neil

Neil

Me (45)

Either my lens is dirty or the autofocus doesn't work well. Sorry if the pictures are blurry.

Earthquake

2009-01-30T19:32:00.000-08:00

Apparently we had an earthquake this morning but I didn't feel it. I guess unless you were awake at 5:25 a.m. and standing right over the epicenter, no one probably felt it.

Other than that it was another typical day of IVs and therapy. I got a birthday card and Starbucks gift certificate from Rachel (Thanks Ray!) and email best wishes from Ethan, Stefanie, and Bill. Tomorrow I have Pazzo's to look forward to, but right now I am full of sushi and semi-suffering.

The good news is that after five months my wheelchair is finally fixed. I can now raise my feet, so maybe my legs won't swell as much.

I'm 45 Today

2009-01-29T17:21:00.000-08:00

Pretty anticlimactic for a 45th birthday. 45 should be big. I think any birthday ending in a 0 or 5 should be a big deal.

A few nurses new it was my birthday, but most people didn't. At least I meet my friends Sunday for pizza, so maybe that will cheer me up. If I was allowed, financially, to have a cell phone I think I would have got a call from some of my out of state friends, if they remembered it was my birthday. I remember just about everyone's birthday, but it seems like I always have to remind people when mine is.

I did get some very welcome email best wishes from my Aunt Jeannette and my friend Karie, which was very cool. This morning I picked up the birthday cake (above) that I ordered from the Coffee Shack (thank you Corrine, it was delicious). I had a healthy slice with some ice cream and then shared it with the therapists. If there is any left I'll have some tomorrow.

Therapy seems to be going really slow. There also seems to be a lot more people getting therapy so I am feeling like I am not getting my share. I'll show up at 10, like I always used to do because back when the old crew was there, there were actual schedules. Now I might as well have them come look for me.

Anyway, enough with the negativity. Here is a list of people born January 29 (at least the ones I find interesting) more here:

1737 Thomas Paine
1860 Anton Chekhov
1880 W. C. Fields
1923 Paddy Chayevsky
1945 Tom Selleck
1954 Oprah Winfrey
1970 Heather Graham

Interesting people who died on my birthday:

1820 King George III of Great Britain
1956 H.L. Mencken
1963 Robert Frost
1964 Alan Ladd
1977 Freddie Prinze
1980 Jimmy Durante
1981 Cozy Cole
1992 Willie Dixon

And interesting moments in history:

1845 Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven" 1st published
1863 Battle at Bear River WA US Army vs Indians
1919 Secretary of state proclaims the 18th amendment (prohibition)
1936 1st players elected to Baseball Hall of Fame
1958 Murderer, Charles Starkweather, captured by police in Wyoming
1958 Paul Newman & Joanne Woodward wed
1964 Beatles record in German "Komm, Gib Mir Diene Hand" & "Sie Leibt Dich"
1964 Stanley Kubrick's"Dr. Strangelove" premieres

I Guess It's Been Awhile...

2009-01-28T19:14:00.000-08:00

I guess it's been awhile since I've bought anything besides DVDs and CDs, which I often buy used. I thought about getting an electric wok or electric skillet so I could make my own pasta sauce, or maybe some pork fried rice. I thought I could get something like the West Bend wok my Mom had, which was about $30. Looking at Amazon, all the woks are like $75 to $100. And when I went to QFC the other day, I noticed that four pork chops cost about $12. Now that I am back to handing all but $50 of my disability to the nursing home, I can't afford such luxuries.

Tomorrow I turn 45 but all day I stressed about seeing 50. Mary Joe confirmed that the lumps in the small of by back are in deed caused by calciphylaxis.

Tomorrow I will also pick up my birthday cake from the Coffee Shack and hope it's good.

I received Kind of Blue today but haven't got a chance to listen to it. I gues I could turn off the TV. I also recieved a very nice birthday card and Starbucks gift card from my Aunt Jeanette. It was very sweet of her. I will try to call her soon.

New music to my ears

2009-01-27T22:11:00.000-08:00

It had totally slipped my mind that I had ordered Frank Zappa's "Lumpy Money," a 3-disc reissue of Frank's two 1968 albums "Lumpy Gravy" and "We're Only In It For The Money." I did not remember ordering it, but I was, and am, expecting the deluxe version of Miles Davis' "Kind Of Blue" (which is on a truck in Nevada, according to the tracking). I haven't had much time to listen to it today, I had a lot of therapy. The therapists praised my progress but I felt as weak and useless as ever. Today I spent most of the time sitting on or laying down on the mat. My muscles, what's left of them, being pummeled. The distressing thing is one person noticed what looks like a potential calciphylaxis developing on my left ankle, and while getting worked on by Kathy in O.T. we both felt what seems like a cyst in my lower back. All of this caused me to reread the Wiki article on the disease making me feel very depressed. Will I ever get out of this place, and if so, how many years of a "quality life" can I eek out? This article, which was published eight years ago, has me pretty spooked at the moment, "The prognosis for patients who develop calciphylaxis is grim, with an estimated 5-year survival of less than 50%.3." I have now had it for 17 months. A couple weeks ago I almost died from Septicemia, which can be contracted from my open wounds. They said, when I was on dialysis, that had my kidneys failed several years before I would have been less likely to survive. Several months ago I was told that the open heart surgery that I had would have been a lot more involved and dangerous than it is now, both thanks to constant research in the areas. But is anyone trying to find a cure for calciphylaxis? According to the Kidney Journal they are still studying it, and an article called Treatment of vascular calcification by W Charles O'Neill just came out a few weeks ago, but it is $32 for a reprint, and I am afraid it is would all be over my head. Tomorrow I see Mary Joe, the wound care nurse from Northwest Hospital, who visits me every Wednesday, and I'll ask how her other patients are doing. Anyway.

The subject of Chinese New Year came up and I looked at this years and last's for my sign, The Water Rabbit, and as usual, in hindsight, the horoscope was spot on about the last years poor health, and it says that in 2009 my health, and my career will greatly improve. We'll see.

At least I should live to see the next few days. I pre-ordered a small individual chocolate cake with white icing from the Coffee Shack next door for Thursday (I will be 29) and Sunday I will be with some friends at my favorite pizza place. I ought to take my laptop and find a wi-fi hotspot to download the past couple months worth of stuff I've neglected.

Nothing on the TV right now except for House reruns. Maybe I will listen to music and play Solitaire. As interesting as my life sounds at times, it is pretty boring.

Today's Fantasy Meal

2009-01-27T21:50:00.000-08:00

I love all kinds of food and periodically I'll let you know what I'd like to eat at that moment. This is one of those moments. (Assuming I have the appetite and my taste buds are working).

Dirty Vodka Martini

Warm Rolls with Pot Butter
Jumbo Prawn Cocktail

Caesar Salad (Hand-Tossed)

22oz, 2" thick NY Steak (rare side of medium-rare "warm but bloody")
Served with Smith & Wolensky Steak Sauce
Lobster tail of almost equal size with Hickory Butter
Thick crispy Dinner Fries
Heinz Ketchup
Button Mushrooms sauteed in Garlic Butter
Spinach with a hint of red wine vinegar and butter
Texas Toast
A very tall cold glass of milk

Café a lait
one scoop vanilla ice-cream

45 Minute Vacation

2009-01-26T20:30:00.000-08:00

Today was a pretty decent day. Despite the bitter cold it was sunny all day. After the usual therapies I went over to QFC and spent the rest of my gift certificate (thanks Jeanette) on a My Brother's pizza and a lighter. The kitchen managed to do a good job on the pizza. Earlier in the day when I was transferring stuff from drawer to drawer I notice a very small morsel of herb and went "off campus" armed with a ball point pen part and a little aluminum foil to smoke it. It was a short but nice vacation from this place.

Snowing

2009-01-25T15:22:00.000-08:00

Though there is nothing in the forecast, it has been snowing off and on here in Shoreline since last night. Not enough to stick, except for the grass in the back this morning when the ground was still frozen, but it is visible. It just makes it really cold outside (currently 34°). Since I missed all the snow with my recent illnes I wouldn't mind seeing more, but considering how people freaked out and it shut down the city, we are better off with out it.

It's a typical Sunday here at the home. Slow and mostly quiet except the demented patients and very loud Chinese patients. As of now (3:30 p.m.) the church people are singing hymns in the dining room and some preacher will soon me extolling the virtues of a Christian life.

I had hoped the transfusion on Friday would give me some pep but I am still pretty tired. Yesterday I went to be at 3:30 p.m. in the afternoon. If I was able to get in and out of bed by myself, like I could several weeks ago, I would have just lay down for about an hour. But since I need to use the Hoya lift, I wound up staying in bed until ten this morning.

Except for getting coffee and ordering a small birthday cake for myself from Corrine next door at the Coffee Shack, ordering the Deluxe version of Miles Davis' Kind of Blue, and some restorative therapy with Lamin (we talked about how every government in Africa has a level of corruptness).

This coming week I don't have any appointments, that I knw of, so i should be ble to throw myself into therapy. I would be hapy if by the end of the week I can lift my legs or roll over in bed.

Another Boring Day

2009-01-24T22:03:00.000-08:00

Today was so boring I wound up going to bed at 3:00 p.m. and just woke up at 10:00 p.m. Today I started taking diatretic and will be wearing tend hose to try to control the swelling in my legs.

Pretty boring day

2009-01-23T19:46:00.000-08:00

I pretty much got woken up at 8:30 a.m., not counting the time at 4:00 when Paclab came to draw blood, had my bandages changed by Mabel, then sent off to North West Hospital for a transfusion of two pints of blood. I am pretty anemic and they are hoping the transfsion will help me heal faster. All I did today was sit on my ass and do crossword puzzles and watch court shows. I got to order food, but this time they didn't restrict my diet. The food at NWH is OK. I got a Chicken Caesar, Cream of Mushroom Soup and a Mocha Frappacino. A couple hours later I got an order of fries that were so greasy they were impossible to keep down. I finally got back at 6:00 p.m. Another day shot. Now I lay here with an I.V. of antibiotics draining into me and, when that is done, get a different antibiotic I.V.

At least next Saturday I have Pazzo's and some friends to look forward to.

Cool site

2009-01-23T19:41:00.000-08:00

The Slog linked to this site and it is way cool. You can zoom into everything, including Obama, and ever person on the screen, including the Secret Service agents on he roof tops. This site talks about how it was done.

A couple updates

2009-01-22T18:52:00.000-08:00

The problems with web security seemed to be at its worst when I use the server in my room rather than the one in the lobby. It's a bit hit and miss.

Tomorrow I have to go to Northwest Hospital, near Northgate, for a transfusion. This afternoon I went there to get my blood drawn to type and match. This is the first time I've been to NW other than the Emergency room and the one time they sent me there overnight for another transfusion.

For decor it beats Virginia Mason, but they forgot to make the elevators and many of the doors wheelchair friendly.

For lunch I decided to go to the taco truck by the 76 Station, behind the Goodwill, and found out it closed three months ago. Too bad. It was way better than the one nearer the home. I wound up getting a taco that fell apart in my hand.

Outside my room there are five people all yelling for help. It is hard to care anymore because that's just about all they say. I can hear a frazzled nursing assistant outside, all alone, trying to calm them down.

I probably should go to bed early because I have to get up early for the transfusion but there is a lot on TV tonight. I miss having a DVR.

Therapy was OK. I worked with Toby on standing (I barely managed three half-assed stands at a minute each. O.T. was a bit of a bore, there were too many people, plus my time was cut in half because of a "Care Conference" which is just a meeting with the head nurse and social worker to reiterate my care program.

Nothing much else going on. It is frustrating being bed ridden or chair ridden. And then not being able to out and do something because I have to be around for therapy and an IV at noon, then another one at 2:30, and by the time I am be free to go out, it's too fucking cold and the sun starts going down around 4:30. It makes it hard to go out and accomplish anything worth writing about.

Jesus H. Fucking Christ!

2009-01-21T22:04:00.000-08:00

This WatchGuard security that the nursing home uses to block sites now makes it impossible for me to comment on Slog. I get the following message when I click on "comments":

Request denied by WatchGuard HTTP proxy.

Reason: one or more categories denied helper='Default' details='Personals & Dating'

Method: GET
Host: www.thestranger.com
Path: /seattle/Comments?oid=1005019

The nursing home says it is corporate's decision (fucking Morman's) and I have no recourse. It's just a matter of time before they prevent me from blogging.

PS I was able to work around it, for now. If I click on the story I can add a comment at the end. Still this fucking sucks.

Nurse Debbie

2009-01-21T18:57:00.000-08:00

Nurse Debbie is an imbecile. That might be a bit harsh, but that is my impression of her. She often reminds me of a chicken with it's head cut off. I always can tell she is my morning nurse when 9:30 a.m. rolls around and I still haven't got my pain medication, which I am supposed to get prior to getting my bandages changed. I didn't get out of bed this morning until almost 11. Between this morning and my almost ten hour visit to the doctors yesterday I feel like a lot of my time has been wasted.

Under other circumstances Debbie might be a good nurse, but when she has to administer drugs to about sixty patients, many diabetics, many dementia patients, I am sure it is difficult. But it isn't so difficult that any of the other nurses can't handle the job. She seems more suited to being in charge of no more than six, well behaved, low maintenance, and lucid patients.

Anyway, I managed to do therapy. Too many new people are working there it is making me uncomfortable. Arthur thought I was making progress, but I feel kind of worthless. Prior to this last bout of sickness I was very independent and now I need help doing everything. A good day is one I manage not to pee on myself.

The doctors are going back and forth on what antibiotics I need to take but at least I know I should be off them by February 6.

Recipe: Macaroni, Cheese, & Spam

2009-01-20T23:20:00.000-08:00

(Occasionally when I am jonesing for one of my favorite foods I am going to post it on the blog with the hopes of getting it out of my system. No such luck.)

Alton Brown, who's show Good Eats, is one of my favorite "celebrity chefs" (though I consider him more of a cook than a chef) I often agree with, can suck my dick when it comes to Macaroni & Cheese. On his Good Eats show devoted to Mac & Cheese and the recipe he quoted as exactly how NOT to make the dish is almost exactly how my Mom taught me to make it. And I love it, and want it now!

I don't know if my Mom even heard of a béchamel sauce, and the only "creamy Mac & Cheese" occurred when either not enough water was drained from the noodle or there wasn't enough yellow powder in the Kraft box to adhere evenly to all the tiny noodles. As much as I like by Blue box of craft, the Mac & Cheese I speak of is from scratch, super fast and super easy.

It only has five ingredients:

32oz Large Elbow Pasta
16 oz Fancy Shredded Sharp Cheddar Cheese (If you are game to great it yourself, go with the Special Reserve Extra Sharp Cheddar Cheese)
1 can Spam* (low sodium or low fat is fine, to me it tastes all the same, good)
Garlic Salt
Black Pepper

*as an experiment I've tried diced ham and pork loin, but neither beets Spam

While boiling the pasta, cube up the Spam, wrap in paper towels, and nuke for about 90 seconds to get some of the oil out and make it crispy.

Drain noodles into colander and let sit for a minute. Take a spoon and put a a layer of noodles in casserole then stir in some Spam and some of the garlic salt and pepper, then add some cheese. Repeat until the last layer all cheese then season again.

If you were using a real oven I would say put the casserole uncovered in a 450° preheated oven for five minutes then cover at 350° for 30 minutes (if microwave only: cook on high covered for 30 minutes and 10 minutes uncovered to get crispy).

Yeah, it sounds gross, but everyone who has eaten has loved it. It also sounds better when you call it Macaroni, Cheese, and Spiced Ham.

A fancier, non-meat version is good too, just substitute radiatore for the macaroni, substitute Vintage White Extra Sharp Cheddar for the sharp (you will have to grate it yourself), and sun-dried tomatoes and sliced black olives for the spam.

One warning about leftovers: reheating cheddar cheese creates an amazing amount of oil. I recommend reheating the amount you want to eat than use whatever is handy to drain off the oil. Make sure you wash your face thoroughly when done.

A Long Day for Obama and Me

2009-01-20T19:51:00.000-08:00

I managed to get out of bed to catch Obama's swearing in and his inaugural address before heading off to three separate doctors appointments today that I absent-mindedly scheduled for today. Before my first appointment I got a chest x-ray, then met with my thoraxic surgeon (he was 40 minutes late) who removed the chest tube from my side. After the tube was removed he wanted me to go have another chest x-ray taken after my other appointments. He wanted to make sure there weren't any airpockets or fluid left in the lungs. The doctor als warned me to come straight in to the hospital if I have chest pains or am short of breath (no shit).

The second appointment was with my infectious diseases doctor, who keeps me on, or takes me off, antibiotics. He says I will be on some of them for at least two more weeks. He asked me if I had any worries and I told him about my swollen legs. He said I needed to talk to my family doctor about that. He wanted me to get some labs done after my last appointment.

Finally, I saw my kidney doctor (who is also my family doctor). So far, so good. Other than the swelling in my legs and the fact I have taken a giant step backwards in progress in physical therapy, the doctor says I'm O.K. He'll figure something out about the legs, probably diaretics.

He also wanted me to get even more labs done. So I had to go downstairs and wait, and wait until my name was called and my luck I got someone who never drew blood before. I am particularly difficult to get blood or blood pressures from. Since 2000 I have had a fistula in my left arm when I needed dialysis. So I'm not supposed to have any blood draws or blood pressures taken from the left. That leaves my right am, which may not have any veins left. I keep telling them to not bother with the arm and go right for the hand, which is a perpetual bruise but the veins are easier to fine. The lab wound up sending me down to the Cancer Ward to draw the blood out of my pic line (the needles already in my arm for IVs.) Then I had to do back upstairs for the final chest x-ray. In the end, all three doctors are happy with my progress. I hope we can get this excess fluid off my legs so the pain will go away, so I can move my legs, and I can try to learn how to walk again.

In the end I missed my ride by an hour (they never schedule the window large enough for these appointments), and after waiting for another pick up, I finally got back to the home at 6:30 p.m. Missing a horrid dinner of Bratwurst and cabbage.

I wish I had the foresight to schedule these appointments for yesterday or tomorrow because I felt I missed a lot today. I did see the Warren invocation, which seemed unoffensive and unmemorable. When G.W. was introduced he was apparently booed but I couldn't tell. I saw both Biden's and Obama's swearing in and Obama's speech. All I really missed the day punditry and the Slogging, which I am periodically doing now.

The one line of Obama's speech that stuck with me was "...we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist). I think this line is applicable to not only those factions or countries that consider us their enemies, but should apply to all people who don't agree on everything, but try to agree on something and get it done.

(Oh, dear. My dumbass roommate is trying to get out of bed setting off an alarm that no one is coming to check on. He's O.K. He just got up to go to the bathroom. At least he isn't pissing all over the floor like he did the last two nights. It's like living with a three year old.)

Depsite it is barely 10 p.m., it feels like it's been a long day. It's one in the morning in D.C. I hope the Obama's can get some rest (they may still hve balls to attend).

Tomorrow I will put all my energy into therapy and Obama will start his first full day as President.

Did you know?

2009-01-18T21:09:00.000-08:00

I was sitting around thinking about how, soon, the Seattle P-I is folding in a couple weeks. I'd bet, before this recession is over, The Times will follow suit and be an online only publication. I was wondering what the effects will be since there are TV web sites devoted to every inch of a newspaper, including classified ads, crossword puzzles, and comics, but then I started wondering about obituries.

Did you know you have to pay for an obituary. I always thought it was free, at least cheap, but according to The Seattle Times and P-I:

Cost = $94.92/inch for daily and $109.20/inch for Sunday
Includes header (name of deceased) which is 2 lines tall.
You will see approximately 12 lines per inch including the 2 line header.
Photos on week days are $142.38 and Sundays are $163.80.

And that is the cost of a single newspaper. What if you wanted to also place an obit in the deceased home town newspaper? Or the city they went to college in or where a lot of their friends live? At least my alumni newsletter is free, if anyone bothers to tell them.

There are a few online services that take existing obits from the newspapers, you know, the ones you already paid. There is also a site that for $3 you can look up any birth, death, divorce, cemetery location and any other public record (kind of scary). These are really just connected to genealogy (Family Tree) sites.

Through an ex-roommate, here at the home, and his very helpful brother, Derek, last year I was put in contact with my Aunt Jeanette (she's actually two or three years older than me but I'll allow her the title). She is my Mom's half sister on my mother's father's side. She is deeply into genealogy. Between Jeanette and Derek I learned the father I knew died almost ten years ago in Arizona and is buried in Olympia with some woman I barely recollect (perhaps two wives after my Mom). I also learned that my Mom's father died recently. The guy who got my Mom pregnant but wouldn't take any responsibility died about four years ago and was "devout Red Wings fan" (thank God that didn't work out, I would have grown up in Detroit or Flint). And I learned that my Aunt mother's aunt Florence, who I loved more than my grandmother, died a few years ago too. Florence's passing ranks a close second to the loss of my Mom. I had two opportunities shortly after my Mom passed to visit Florence, but I let fear get in the way. It had been more than ten years since I'd even seen her.

Ever since I was a kid neither my father or anyone on my mother's side of the family ever wanted to talk to me on the phone. They would call my Mom on her birthday or Christmas, and my mother’s family would say "Can I speak to Peggy Sue?" My father was much more direct "Let me speak to your mother." Except for my Mom, her-half sister Jackie Holybee (who I have been trying to find for 18 years) and my mom's mom and her second husband, both whom died within a year of my mother's death, I felt as I had no family. As I write this, I can only imagine how much Jackie must have felt losing both parents and her only sister in less than two years. The last time I saw her was when I took some of my Mom's stuff over to her place. She seemed like she was in bad shape but also disinterested in talk.

Conversely my Dad's passing would mean more to me if the son of a bitch ever wanted to have anything to do with me. The last time I spent any time with him was in 1983, I went to Livingston, Montana for two weeks, because he came to Olympia because he wanted me to visit him. It was pretty fun. I got to drive his T-Bird and after the first night there we went out fishing and I caught a couple big trout (I always seem to catch trout). The next morning he left me with the keys to the T-Bird and some money for food and gas and then he took off on his trucking job. The ten days I was there he was actually around for four days (not all that different than when I was growing up and he was in the Navy). While he was gone I explored Bozeman and drove down to Yellowstone Park. I saw Christine in the worlds smallest movie theater and then preceded to read every Stephen King book from Carrie to Cujo. As far as food, except for a hamburger here or a pizza there I very carefully cooked dinners of NY steak, fries, mushrooms, and spinach (my favorite) or Pork Chops with Kraft Mac & Cheese (comfort food du jour). I meticulously cleaned so not a speck of grease or dirt was on the counter or floor. I folded up all the trash and put it in the waste bag, and then at the end of the day I took it to the outside bin. When he got back from his trip he was livid that I hadn't taken the trash out to the curb and the bath tub wasn't as bone dry as he liked. His anger reminded me of all the times growing up that he punished me for not living up to his standards. I let things cool off for awhile then made an excuse that Mom wanted me to come home because I had a job interview at the end of the week. Surprisingly Dad seemed sad, so we went out to a bar and had Harvey Wallbangers and the next day je put me on a bus back to Lacey. (And ironically I got my first job about a week later). The last time I saw him was about a year later. He hung around for a minute but refused to stay because my dog would not stop barking. He just turned away, got in his car and left. No "Hey let's got to lunch, or go to a bar." He just left. The last time I talked to him was in 1991 (I'd also called him the year before about my Mom's funeral and my graduation but he had already made plans to do something else). He actaully returned my phone call. I had tried to call him several weeks before in one last ditch effort to build a relationship (all my friends have great relationships with their parents). My roommate Paul answered the phone and handed it to me and the only words I remember my father saying was "Is that your boyfriend?" And then eight years later he died in Arizona.

As far as the passing of the man who gave me his name, so says my christening photo; a man from a time when "No" meant "O.K., got my mother pregnant, destroyed her Naval career, but when push comes to shove wouldn't take responsibility for it because his mother didn't want any half-breed grandchild (Grandma, does your family tree have news for you). I don't really care about "Captain Red Wing." However Derek has traced that part of the family through French Canada and back to 1600s France and, if he is still working on it, maybe farther (it has been many months since I've spoken to Derek so he may have his hands full with another project).

So back to obituaries. I don't have a copy of my mother's obituary. I was a bit overwhelmed with the whole thing and she had friends at work who organized a wake at the Thurston County Fairgrounds and either I assumed obituaries just appeared or that one of her friends would take care of it. There is no memorial to visit.

Per her instructions I took her to our favorite place to fish in Shelton. It had been there since 1972 (age 8) and obviously never driven there before, but in 1990 I managed to drive straight to it. You drive through Shelton, past the big Paul Bunyon statue, then turn left at a fish hatchery, drive a ways own the road was a vey small one-story church. In'72 we'd park at the church then walk across the street, through endless brush until we came to the Skokomish River. We would fish for hours. My Mom (and sometimes Dad) would drink ice cold beer and I be drinking Cragmont or Shasta (they always bought the cheap stuff) in bulk.

In '90 I was able to drive straight to the church, but everything else had changed. Through nature or design the river was rerouted to where it was right up against the road. No more brush to wade through. No privacy. I said something to my mother and to God and tried to fling the ashes out of the maroon plastic box into the river. The heavier chunks sank right to the bottom of the clear water. It couldn't have been more than ten inches deep. The lighter material just kind of floated on the surface and sat there. I looked around for a stick to stir things up but couldn't find one. I peeled my Mom's name off the box and chucked it as far as I could into the middle of the river then went home.

The reason I brought up obituaries is because I was curious about my former roommate Dan Brady, who when he left here seemed resigned to die. There is no point in hoping he gets better, his disease is fatal and more painful each day. I hope his brother or someone would see fit to get an obit published for him. He has a lot of friends here, but once people leave here the just soon forget everything even the friends (not much different than a lot of jobs I've had).

Since 2000, I have had, three angioplasties, a kidney biopsy, been diagnosed with chronic renal failure, arterial heart disease, have had numerous cardiac ablations, had an arterial flutter, have had two staph infections, endocarditis, septicemia, had to have a fistula put in my left wrist for dialysis then have it redone, kidney transplant, kidney rejection due to not being able (at the time) to afford the drugs, edema, calciphylaxis (which causes so much pain a feather toughing me makes me beg someone to kill me), atrophied muscles so now am in a wheelchair until I can walk again, and, most recently double bi-pass surgery (three months ago), and three weeks ago I had two different nasty types of bacteria in both of my lungs, septicemia (again). There was other ailments that occurred during that time that are slipping my mind I am sure. The point is on eight of those occasions in a little over eight years I was told I might die. And calciphylaxis is fatal, there just isn't a time line per se. I don't want to die anymore than I want to spend much more time in the nursing home. If it wasn't for these setbacks, especially this last one, maybe I would be out now. But if I do die, I still want to be cremated, I almost don't care where the ashes go, but a plaque somewhere would be nice. Or at least an obituary.

POSTSCRIPT: I couldn’t figure where to put it in this post, but I was going to mention how I found out the circumstances of my conception and why it makes me feel that it is the reason that none of my family ever cared much about me, even though I was a nice little boy, if I do say so myself.

Can I get a gun?

2009-01-18T11:17:00.000-08:00

I am trapped in the lobby of the home, sitting in the only sunny room in the building while a family encourages their demented loved one in to screaming baby talk as loud as she can. It reminds me of when I was a kid trying to teach my dog to howl, which I quickly regretted. They are blocking the only exit out of this place, the fuckers.

Today I wanted to go up to the wi-fi cafe and try to download all the stuff that I haven't been able to download because of these stupid security restrictions. There must be at least ten episodes of The Bugle alone, plus upgrades to Notebook, Pixlemator, iTunes & Leopard, Firefox, and Dashboard attachments. But as of 3.p.m. it doesn't look like it's going to happen. Sundays the bus runs once an hour, so the next bus is at 4:15 and I don't want to come back in the dark.

I would have gone earlier but I had to have an IV at noon hsrap, and then wait around for the lab to come take my blood. I still haven't had any restorative training with Laminand now I feel very sick and tired after having a root beer float.

Crazy Alice was at it again, convinced one of the aides was "The Devil" and threatening to kill him like that dog. (What dog?) I wish I had it on tape. It went on for awhile and was pretty funny.

The Dark Night vs. Iron Man

2009-01-17T19:20:00.000-08:00

As a a life long DC fan (I have NEVER) bought or read a Marvel comic. Batman has always been the man I wanted to be. Over the past couple days I have seen both films and have to give it up for Iron Man. Since I never read the comic I don't know or care if the canon has been altered. Robert Downey Jr. is not only great, but has already had the class to agree to appear in seeveral sequels and tie ins inclucing a co-starring role in an Avengers film (Marvel's answer to DC's all-star Justice League of America). Tony Stark (Downey) is also a lot more fun to watch than Bruce Wayne. Perhaps it's just Christian Bale's sullen performance as the Dark Knight and that all the film appears to take place at night. Downey's Stark is pretty upbeat, even under torture, and I'd say 80% of the film takes place in sunlight.

As far as supporting cast: dead or alive Heath Ledger kicks Jeff Bridges in the villian department. I'll take Gywnth Paltrow everyday over Maggie Gynethal, and Michael Caine has no opposite number in Iron Man, unless you count a robot (I don't).

I need to watch both of them again, but I think Iron Man will have more replayibilty.

The end of brick and mortar

2009-01-17T16:02:00.000-08:00

There is a term in the shopping business for an actual store that you walk in to buy stuff rather than order online. These stores are called "brick and mortar." Every day or week someone in the Economy or Business section will write about how the B&Ms cannot compete with online stores in price and in titles. I am specifically talking about CDs, Videos, and books. I will always prefer buying clothes in person.

Today, since it was a sunny day, I took the bus down to Northgate and rolled over to Silver Platters. All I wanted to get was the second season of 30 Rock and the fourth season of The Office. I could have ordered them online and got them by next Friday for about $53. They were out of The Office but had 30 Rock for $39.99! Had The Office in stock it would have been $59.99. Almost everything in the store was "Manufacturers Suggested Retail Price" which is always high and stores traditionally low ball by a few bucks so people think they are getting a good deal.

I was able to get a few good deals in the used section including season two of 30 Rock for $17.

Unless I am looking for something unspecific uses, or unless the storee is going out of business, I don't think I will bother going to a brick and mortar store again.

News Bite

2009-01-17T12:39:00.000-08:00

I hope you don't like Roquefort dressing on your salads because with a stroke of his mighty evil pen, GW has all but made it illegal. He has raised the tax (tariff) on imported french cheese 300% to punish the French, they say because the French won't buy hormone enhanced beef from us, but really, for the French not kissing Bush's ass when he wanted to overthrow Iraq. The French have vowed to get their revenge. Story here.

Health in general and a sad anniversarry

2009-01-16T20:10:00.000-08:00

I am feeling just a smidge better and more flexible but I can't still lift my legs. I hope to get the tube out of my side on Tuesday then I can practice rolling back and forth in bed and get closer to rolling out of bed and into my chair.

Joyce left today. That doesn't leave many of the regulars that were here when I started. Some of the new people do not inspire confidence. I question how much experience they have.

I've had a roommate. Alvin, for about as long as I have been back but have been too tired and distracted to write about him. I am guessing he is an early stages of Alzheimer or had a stroke because he does do therapy but is communicative. Thankfully he doesn't talk much but often he leaves the faucet running and last night he walked to and from the bathroom pissing on the floor and wall (I quietly rang for the nurse because I didn't want to distract him and have him wander over and pee on my stuff.)

Nineteen years ago today my Mother passed away. I will try to write about her when her birthday comes up February 22.

Here's an interesting job

2009-01-16T20:03:00.000-08:00

If I was in shape this is what I would like to be paid to do.

"If you want a shot, your're hoing to have to dance for it."

2009-01-15T21:46:00.000-08:00

That line and the image that followed it was the funniest thing I saw on last night's 30 Rock.

Low key day. I did all my therapy in the morning so had all the afternoon to myself. I went up the street and ordered way to much sushi/tempura and udon.

The powers that be say that since no one admits dropping my Xbox, they won't replace it. They might pay to fix it, but fixing one right now is literally cheaper than buying one. I'll trouble shoot one more time then way my options.

Still no progress

2009-01-13T19:52:00.000-08:00

Right now they want me off my feet for most of the day I can't get my shoes or socks on. My feet and calves are really swollen and painful to touch. I really don't want to go on dialysis again, but if that would do the trick, I would be willing to do it (albeit temporarily). So I have been sitting around doing crosswords, solitaire, napping, and watching my court shows.

Slog has been a bit of a bore. Just more stuff about the P-I goind under, which is inevitable.

The most interesting thing I read today was on Nancy Leson's blog about a local man who ate sushi everday for a month. Some nice pictures.

Kit

2009-01-11T21:58:00.000-08:00

There is a lifer hear named Kit who has occupied Room one Hall one (the first room on the left when exiting the lobby) for God knows how, at least no one here seems to know how long she’s been, let alone why she is here.

One of the receptionists, who has worked here the longest said Kit was in Room one Hall one ever since she got here in 1967 (I should have asked the if she had had the same roommate all this time, though I doubt it).

As much gossip that goes around here, even if the news can be weeks behind, no one knows any facts about Kit. Most think it is something mental, but I find her quite lucid. When she isn’t reading, smoking, watching TV, or asleep in the living room chair, she is willing to have a pleasant albeit superficial conversation.

My tactless ex-roommate would either describe her appearance as “a kyke and a classic Bull Dyke” or when he thought he was being complimentary “Tug Boat Annie.” To me she looked like any other Pacific Northwest woman raised in wet weather who at some point in her life decided that shorter hair is easier to manage when it rains all the time.

She doesn’t appear to have a change of clothes but seems always clean but does not have any odor as I can tell. She does smoke a lot but manages to keep the funk out of her clothes or stains off he teeth or fingers.

As far as I know she has not had a long term roommate. I know the woman that Kit lives with now, but don’t feel right prying, but I have never seen them interact. (At this point I must confess I have taken every meal for the past thirteen months in my room rather than watch a roomful of old people, some toothless, eat.

Kit has no real friends amongst the residence but has a cordial relation towards most of the staff, and also myself, because we despise Ray, the hermit who camps out in the lobby to force the rest of us to either watch the Weather channel or FOX.

Anyway, it has been such a slow day I’ve just been observing Kit as a potential character. She is gruff on the outside with a bit of a soft interior. She has no problem admitting her sexual preference, her political affiliation, the fact that she has given up Judaism in favor of Paganism (I am guessing she went to college in the early, very early 1970s. Just don’t ask why she is in the home. The first time I asked a large cloud passed. “That is a private matter,” she stated. Then the cloud passed and things were back to normal. She read and I wandered off to find something to do.

I haven’t any deep conversations with her, or anyone else since, and I’m OK with that but I’ll keep my ears open and try find out who this woman is?

BTW, If I were ever to go blind she could never sneak up on me. As she shuffles she say's "Oy, Oy, Oy, Oy, Oy,....) Personally, I find one "Oy" enough.

I know I have been sporadic blogger

2009-01-10T19:04:00.000-08:00

I feeling a bit better since yesterday but I haven't ventured out any further outside than to get coffee and I am having trouble getting back in in the building, which was easy. I seem to have lost the ability to bend at the waist or lift my legs. An many ways I feel like I am starting over (all 14 months back), but the therapists are optimistic, so we'll see.

Since I got back the doctors have stuffed so me with much antibiotics I think is contributed to my ennui. I have so many tubes sticking out of me it's a wonder I am still able to go back to edit the blog. Sometimes when I look up at the screen it looks like random box of Scrabble tiles...mostly consonants.

I've also managed to use up all of the Starbucks cards I've received from Marianne and Todd, and am still trying to find a nice gift from from the certificate that was given to me by Aunt Jeanette and her family. I aslos want to thank you who sent me cards, especialy Rachel and Nancy.

I also just got done watching The Dark Knight, which I thought was very good, and so was Heath Ledger, but had he not died the mos he could have hoped for is an MTV movie award (unless tere was such lousy selection of supporting actors this year.